Christus Gratiam Dat.

Rediscovering the Pleasure of Reading

2011-10-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

I am an avid reader and while at times I have a difficult time reading a book--Emma and Middlemarch: A Study of Provincial Life come to mine--I mostly devour books and I curl up nightly to escape into far off places created for my reading pleasure. I've never really given thought to the idea that for some people, reading is a chore. But six weeks into my student teaching in a seventh grade science classroom I have now met real people who tell me reading is a grind. Is this true for you?

In fulfillment of my Master of Arts Teaching degree I am doing a LOT of reading. Tonight I started Cris Tovani's I Read It, but I Don't Get It. Here is something she does to help struggling readers find a positive reading experience from their past. I enjoyed it. Perhaps you will too.
Excerpted from the book, page 10:

Most everyone can remember a book that has had an impact on his or her life. Often this book is connected to a pleasurable experience. It could have been the first book you learned to rad. It could have been a book that trouble you. An important book doesn't necessarily have to be well loved. Think about your history as a reader. Recall a book that sticks out in your mind and complete the following:

Important-book memories
Title
Author
Two reasons why the book is important to you:

If possible, find the book in your collection or in the library. Share it with someone. It does not have to be a best seller, or a classic, but it does have to be important to you in a significant way. Go as far back as you need to in order to find a positive book memory.

One of my important-book memories comes from childhood. Mom or Grandmother would read aloud to Charles and me from our set of Disney Storybooks. I loved these books so much that when Mom took them in to school to use with her Kindergartners I recall the wave of possessive jealousy that rose up inside me. Over time I forgot the books, but when I had my own children Mom surprised me by bringing them to me on a visit so that I read them to Margo and Maddie. I am not sure my girls have the same love for these old books that I did, despite my reading from them faithfully when they were little. They had their own favorites--Goodnight Moon, The Going to Bed Book, and a modern Disney Princess Storybook.

As a science teacher it would be all too easy to say that I don't teach reading, but I love books so much that I hope to be able to help my students acquire the strategies good readers seem to use so easily so that they too can curl up with a good book.

THERE is no frigate like a book
To take us lands away,
Nor any coursers like a page
Of prancing poetry.

This traverse may the poorest take
Without oppress of toll;
How frugal is the chariot
That bears a human soul!
Emily Dickenson--Complete Poems

Snack Pack Girl and Can Opener Guy

2011-08-02T17:57:00.000-07:00

Teachers ought to examine their personal biases about gender as a first step toward creating a classroom environment that is gender equitable for both sexes; that is, one in which every girl and every boy can do as well as she or he can. While it is tempting to believe that as a society, we are past all that gender stuff, one need look no farther than the comic strips to find evidence to the contrary. What does this cartoon tell us about gender stereotypes in the science lab?

(Artist: N.D. Kim, 2011)

In the cartoon, who is operating the equipment? Who is leading the conversation? Where is the girl standing? Does she say anything? What is her role in the cartoon? This cartoon is perversely funny precisely because it so aptly portrays a stereotype I encountered time and again as a chemist working in a largely male discipline: in the science lab girls need help and boys give help. In fact, in my first post-college job as a research chemist one of my female co-workers had coined a humorous moniker for the female chemist who allowed her male counterpart to step in to save the day; she was a ‘snack pack girl ’ and he was a ‘can opener guy.’ [Huh? Back in the old days, individual serving cans of Snack Pack pudding had pull-top lids and the rings regularly broke off; a Swiss army knife handily opened it.]

Working in a man’s discipline

In 1982, women were few and far between in the chemistry department where I studied under the direction of Dr. Robert M. Williams and a bevy [tribe? host?] of all male postdoctoral students. In my first job out of college as a research associate, roughly 1/3rd of the research associates were women, but in my group I was the only woman and in my division there were just seven female associates and one female Ph.D. chemist. The only other women I regularly encountered were the department secretaries and the unionized workers who washed our laboratory glassware. Being a woman working in a male dominated discipline presented unique challenges.

Gender stereotypes and subtle biases, which I believe were largely unintentional, sometimes created a climate in which I felt pressed to prove my abilities while at other times it was prudent to downplay my knowledge. In the same performance review I have been described as both ‘too passive’ and ‘overly strident.” I have been told what to wear (skirts longer than my lab coat) and what not to wear (shirts that fall below the neckline of my lab coat). I have been expected to serve the coffee, take the notes, and manage the department birthday and Christmas card lists. But I have also been selected to head up significant research projects, speak to an august gathering of my fellow scientists, and represent my company in the classrooms of the Arizona State University graduate statistics classrooms. I attest to the existence of gender stereotypes but I believe that with the appropriate support and encouragement girls do find their way into traditionally male fields; and they excel there. Men are finding their way into traditionally female professions. Things are moving forward, it would seem.

Is it just my good luck, or have other women found their way into the field of chemistry? I searched for gender statistics in my field and discovered an ever increasing percentage of women in chemistry as indicated by this 2005 survey of ACS chemists (American Chemical Society, 2006).

What about the reverse? Are men making it into traditionally female-dominated professions? I chose to take a look at nursing, mainly because my husband has been in and out of the hospital a lot this past year and only once has he had a great nurse who also just happened to be a guy. What I found is that nursing remains dominantly female, but the demographics may be changing. According to Mary McNamara, a representative from the American Nurses Association, men make up 6.6 percent of the registered nurse population nationwide. In 2006, the number was 5.7 percent (Shah, 2010). Interestingly, the male nurses interviewed suggested marketing as the best way to get more guys into the profession saying, "The guys...they just fall into it by accident. I think it needs to be pushed harder by the nursing profession." (Shah, 2010)

Is there evidence to suggest that Title IX mandates have helped create gender equity in education? Arguably yes, for women are achieving academically at rates equal to or exceeding men in many areas that have traditionally been dominated by men:

In certain science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) fields, women are well-represented, or even overrepresented, with women earning 78% of undergraduate degrees in psychology, 62% of biology degrees, and 51% of chemistry degrees (Heilbronner, 2008).

These statistics are encouraging yet there is still work to be done. One of the reasons I am making a mid-life career change to teach chemistry rather than do chemistry is that I have the desire and the track record to be a role model to the next generation of young women scientists; I have faced the challenge of learning not to morph into ‘snack pack girl’ when a guy’s innate desire to help, to impress, or to explain kicks in. My challenge as a high school chemistry teacher will be finding ways to promote the development of girls’ talent in science without downgrading that of the talented and interested boys in my classroom. In this too, I bring insight inasmuch as I have come to appreciate the unique strengths men bring to science, such as strong visual-spatial skills, confidence in their abilities, and a willingness to risk failure in order to try something new. In spite of my bias in favor of women, or perhaps because of it I am prepared to implement specific actions making the classroom more equitable for both boys and girls.

Strategies for Gender Equity in the Science Classroom

My initial strategy for creating equal access to education for both sexes draws chiefly from Encouraging Girls in Math and Science: IES Practice Guide (Halpern, Aronson, Reimer, Simpkins, Star, & Wentzel, 2007) and Making School Great for Every Girl and Boy (Zittleman). Based upon my personal experiences as a woman working in a man’s field, I have culled four specific actions I can use in my classroom as I work around my own biases to provide equal access to science education for all students.

Giving all students equal opportunity to speak up in class through deliberate wait time and alternately calling on boys and girls. Communication differences between genders suggest that boys will raise their hands to respond without having fully formulated their answer whereas girls tend to rehearse their answer before raising their hand to respond. Lengthening wait times is one way to address this difference.
Giving both girls and boys specific, prescriptive feedback rather than ‘good job’ or ‘that’s nice.’ Research suggests that teachers tend to give boys specific feedback more often than they do for girls, which ultimately undermines girls’ confidence in their abilities and contribution to the group.
Promoting collaboration through working in groups, vary the size (two to five students) and sometimes allow for same-sex groupings. One way to ensure all students get to try all jobs is to assign specific roles and use a rotating schedule so that it is not always the boys who run the lab equipment or the girls who record the data. Occasionally let students work in same gender groups so that both girls and boys have an opportunity to do a lab or project free from the pressure of societal gender-stereotypes.
Monitoring and ensuring equal access to technology. This includes access to manipulatives, graphing calculators, computer equipment, etc. Having a classroom system in which all students receive equal access to use equipment as well as equal support will make the classroom more equitable for all students.

Sometimes equal access has been translated in classroom practice as equal treatment and I would like to draw a distinction between the two believing that gender equitable classrooms emphasize the former and not the latter. Let me illustrate with an example for creating equal access and support for using a key classroom tool—a scientific graphing calculator. Two students came to me on separate occasions each for the same reason: each had missed problems involving scientific notation where their answer and not the T.A.’s seemed correct. With both students I guided them through analysis and discovery that their equations were set up correctly but the problem was in how they used the calculator’s scientific notation function. Girls very often do not feel confident using technology and often allow boys or adults to take over the task for them. Therefore with Jill, I decided it was most important to model the process of using the manual herself to figure out how to use the scientific notation key.

Jack, on the other hand, had no manual and decided to ‘tough it out’ punching keys until he got it right. When that failed, he sidled over again and this time I decided it was most important to fix him up with a capable male peer. Knowing the kids as well as I did, I knew exactly who to go to, and my presence buffered any unease he might have felt asking a peer for help on his own. In a matter of minutes the two guys had figured it out and Jack was back at work revising his missed problems. In the case of gender equitable education, equal does not always mean identical.

Today’s teachers who work with students in math and science must still concern themselves with gender stereotypes and the challenge of offering equal access to science education in the classroom. Through a process of personal inventory to identify one’s own gender biases, teachers equip themselves to choose deliberate strategies for ensuring gender equity in the classroom. My vision as a high school chemistry teacher is creating a classroom community of responsible student scientists who respect themselves, their peers, the teacher, and visitors to the classroom; each making a unique contribution to the community. I take to heart the words of Susan M. Bailey, executive director of Wellesley Centers for Women who wrote:

Twenty-first century girls and boys must grow up valuing and learning not only from men’s accomplishments but also from women’s. This is the challenge for educators in the century ahead. It is the next turn on the road to gender equitable education (Jossey-Bass Reader on Gender in Education, 2002).

Kozol’s Shame of the Nation

2011-07-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

“Racial isolation and the concentration of poverty of children in public schools go hand in hand” —Kozol, 2005, p. 20

In his book, The Shame of the Nation: The Restoration of Apartheid Schooling in America author and educator Jonathan Kozol shakes his finger at the many forces in the past 30 years which together have served to re-segregate America’s public schools, especially those in large metropolitan cities. He believes that desegregation did not fail; rather it has been systematically dismantled by policy and cultural changes and that the result is re-segregated schools; With statistics too cruel to ignore Kozol describes that the majority of black and Hispanic children in metropolitan cities are now concentrated in public schools with populations that are largely nonwhite; some attend apartheid schools where fully 99% of the student body is nonwhite. Why does he say schools are like this?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
--Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Indeed, what’s in a name? Everything according to Kozol, who asserts that economic and social policies have contributed to the birth of a new generation of ‘separate but equal’ schools, with a lexicon that no longer includes the word segregation rather recasts it as a type of school reform. Says Professor Gary Orfield of the Harvard Civil Rights Project, “by what new name segregated education may be known, whether it be ‘neighborhood schools, community schools, targeted schools’ or whatever other currently accepted term, segregation is not new…and neither is the idea of making separate schools equal.”

“It is harder,” he says, “to convince young people they ‘can learn’ when they are cordoned off by a society that isn’t sure they really can. That is, I am afraid, one of the most destructive and long lasting messages a nation possibly could give its children.”—Kozol, 2005, p. 37

Who or what does Kozol blame? He argues that unequal school funding and standardized testing, along with the programs and tactics they spawn have delivered a one-two punch to America’s public schools, especially those that serve low-income minority students in our metropolitan cities.

Cascade Effect of Unequal School Funding and Concentrated Poverty

Kozol’s argument runs like this: urban segregated schools start with less money, have more families living in poverty (% students eligible for free or reduced lunch, an accepted measure of poverty), and, typically, do not have access to the same private monies and resources that their more affluent counterparts take as a matter of course; including pre-school or early childhood training, which is common in more affluent communities. I will address each in turn.

Nationwide…the differential in per-pupil spending between districts with the highest numbers of minority children and those with the fewest…amounts to no more than $25,000 for a typical elementary school. In Illinois, it grows to $47,000, in New York to more than $50,000. From any point of fundamental fairness, inequalities like these are unacceptable.—Kozol, 2005, p. 60

Kozol is disgusted by the gap between urban and suburban schools as exemplified in New York, where per-pupil spending in the New York City public schools is $11,700 compared to amounts in excess of $22,000 per pupil in the wealthy suburban district of Manhasset. These differences are before accounting for private monies. Teachers face disparity too inasmuch as salaries for suburban New York state teachers in Manhasset average $77,000 annually compared to $43,000 in a New York City school with a high proportion of low income students.

Private money on top of school budgets is a comparatively new phenomenon according to Kozol. Its bearing on inner city segregated schools is the differential impact of district budget cuts. He notes, that cuts to the arts, libraries, or school doctors hit all schools their impact is particularly heinous in the racially and economically segregated schools. When schools suffer budget cuts, regardless the reason, the wealthy simply file for grants or raise money through a PTA. In one school on the Upper West Side of Manhattan the PTA had been raising nearly $50,000 yearly to hire a writing teacher and two part-time music teachers. (Kozol, 2005, p. 47)

In addition to starting with less, and having access to less private money, a third affluence-related gap is that of access to pre-school programs. Whereas savvy middle-class parents are able to spend money for private pre-school, their lower-income counterparts may not place the same importance on this, and if they do they rely on programs such as Head Start, which is presently underfunded for the level of demand. (Kozol, 2005, p. 52) The end result is that the percentage of white, upper middle class children entering Kindergarten with one year of preschool is much higher than the percentage of their low-income classmates. (Kozol, 2005, p. 51)

Standardized Testing: In Search of Excellence?

Second to school funding and affluence inequities, are those policies and procedures that have evolved to feed the beast of standardized testing, the other half of the one-two punch knocking racially segregated schools to the mat. There are several villains in this story, but I will address two that interested me the most: Teaching to the test; and the unhealthy focus on efficiency and routine;

“If the road does not lead to Rome, we don’t want it followed. Rome,” she said, “was the examination…”—Kozol, 2005, p. 111

In this chapter, Kozol takes a closer look at the effects testing has on children and on teaching methods.

“As damaging as the obsessive emphasis on testing often proves to be for kids in general, I believe that the effects are still more harmful in those schools in which the resources available to help children learn the skills that will be measured by these tests are fewest, the scores they get are predictably the lowest, and the strategies resorted to by principals…the most severe,” says Kozol.

In addition, the subjects not measured by these tests—geography, history, and science are no longer being taught or are being skimmed in order to maximize test preparation time.

“The rich get richer and the poor get SFA.”—Mr. Endicott, P.S. 65 (Kozol, 2005, p. 86)

One of the severe strategies Kozol noted was the influx of scripted curriculum models emphasizing efficiency and data-driven systems almost as if inner city schools were factories and the students were widgets. These scripted programs, such as Success For All (SFA) are purported to align with established educational goals and standards and designed especially for “the special needs and learning styles” of low-income urban children. He found the curriculum of suburban schools geared students for higher learning and upper level jobs, while the curriculum of urban (minority) schools was geared toward teaching life skills and occupational jobs. Often this was unwittingly abetted by well-intentioned business partners, such as the partnership with Hyatt Hotels program of culinary arts. (Kozol, 2005, p. 103) He makes the case that middle-class families, especially white middle class would never stand for this level of regimentation or career-tracking in public schools their children attend.

To summarize, then Kozol says that social and political policy changes, including recasting segregation in terms of school reform has created a new generation of segregated schools in which poverty and racial isolation go hand and in hand.

Myth Busters Unite

It is not possible to read Kozol’s book and retain any vestige of the American myth of equality in public education. It is a polemic against the American public school system, and as I have recapped, his list of offenders is long, and his evidence cannot be ignored. At times his book is fiercely partisan, which I personally found difficult to read past. However, putting aside our obvious political differences, my secondary reaction is sorrow and outrage at the conditions portrayed through the stories of the children he has met.

The inequalities in per-pupil spending are unacceptable, a point he makes with which I can agree. A second point of common ground is that policies such as No Child Left Behind put the cart before the horse; before there can be ‘no child left behind’ we must first remedy the aforementioned funding inequalities that limit the learning of school children nationwide. I think he and I would at least agree that a place to start is changing the way schools are funded. Perhaps what we need is desegregated districts! In Oregon, at least we have an equalization plan that redistributes funds from rich districts to poor ones and funds from this common pot are distributed back to schools on a per-pupil basis. This shift from local to state funding has shifted the power from local school boards to the state legislature, which in itself causes new problems, according to some. Still, its intent is a more equitable school funding system. It is a start.

Kozol himself steers clear of proposing solutions in the book. At first, this seemed to be a weakness to me but upon reflection I believe this to be intentional. Running beneath the surface of the stories he tells is evidence of a great National indifference toward inequality in education. I see this as one of the biggest roadblocks to bridging the equality gap. I believe Kozol writes with such passion because he hopes to awaken us to the perils of indifference so that we take decisive action.

“Indifference,” says Elie Wiesel “means ‘no difference,’ and “Indifference elicits no response. Indifference is not a response. Indifference is not a beginning; it is an end. And, therefore, indifference is always the friend of the enemy, for it benefits the aggressor -- never his victim, whose pain is magnified when he or she feels forgotten.” (Wiesel, 1999)

A New Direction: Going Private with my Social Networking

2011-07-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

My life is heading in a new direction now that my feet are upon the path that leads to my certification as a high school teacher in May 2012; therefore my Blog (and other social networking) is headed in a new direction: private.

Yes, I know it completely defeats the purpose of SNing but...here is the concern at my university:

Teacher Blogs Her Life + Curious high students + parents = ?

All of my readers can easily solve this equation.

I can too. Contingency planning, which is the ability to picture every possible outcome of a given situation and to plan for it, is my strength; It took less than a minute to decide that, for now, I will heed their instruction, all the while considering how I can, in the future, follow my instincts which scream to me:

"But the youth of our nation need to see responsible social networking modeled."

Maybe I will get to write a paper on that this next year!

In the meantime I am signing off for the duration of my journey.
What to do if you cannot bear the idea of losing contact with my scintillating thoughts? I intend to maintain both my Twitter stream and my LinkedIn account. so you can grandfather yourself into my stable of Twitter Followers by clicking here and choosing Follow.

Or, you can ask to Connect with me on LinkedIn.

Or, you can sigh with relief that as my friend, you will no longer have to 'show support' by reading this blog.

I leave you with these words that have been lingering in my mind for many weeks now (emphasis added):

Peace is not just the mere absence of violence or disturbance. It's when there is a possibility of conflict, but you deliberately avoid violence and adopt methods to solve the problem through peaceful means. That is real peace.
Dalai Lama, Facebook Status, June 9, 2011

Fields of Grain: Jesus Will Break the Rules When Someone is Hungry

2011-06-12T11:01:00.000-07:00

Walking this morning I noticed the wheat has grown tall enough for me to touch as I slowly walk the road beside the field. With Penny running excitedly behind me we both reveled in the smell of earth and vegetation rising in the warmth of the morning sun.

Feeling the fat heads of grain brush my hand brought to mind what I recently read in the Gospel of Luke. This is how God speaks to me most often: when my experience intersects one of Jesus' stories. In this case what came to mind is Jesus and his disciples walking through grainfields on a Sabbath morning. This is how Luke tells it in Chapter 6: 1-5

One Sabbath Jesus was going through the grainfields, and his disciples began to pick some heads of grain, rub them in their hands and eat the kernels. Some of the Pharisees asked, “Why are you doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath?”

Jesus answered them, “Have you never read what David did when he and his companions were hungry? He entered the house of God, and taking the consecrated bread, he ate what is lawful only for priests to eat. And he also gave some to his companions.” Then Jesus said to them, “The Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath.”

I don't know if the disciples were truly hungry or if they were just absentmindedly picking the heads as they walked along with Jesus, like I found myself doing this morning. Either way the religious leaders are outraged by the disciples' violating the Sabbath Law to do no work and they confront Jesus.

Teachable moment! He, the Son of God, teaches them a lesson about hunger (need) versus legal tradition; He reminds them of the time David was on the run for his life from King Saul, and finding himself in the temple and hungry with nothing else to eat, takes the consecrated bread offered by the priest, and eats it. And he gives some to his men.

Jesus is Lord of the Sabbath. Elsewhere [Mark 2:27] he clarifies further by teaching, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. So the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath.”

There was a time in my life when I refused to frequent businesses operating on my Sabbath, which is Sunday. My thinking was that I was somehow bringing glory to the God I worship by refusing to succumb to the changing times. This is the trap the Pharisees of the story have fallen into. Jesus says, don't do it!

Nowadays I realize that what brings glory to God is my bringing the Sabbath to others through taking note of their needs and meeting them. Afterall, the woman behind the Starbuck's counter could be a single mom working two jobs to give her kids food and a home. I can bring Jesus to her, even without saying His name or preaching simply by smiling, sharing a kind word, being the hands and feet of Jesus. This is what the Sabbath is--a day to bring the Lord to the ones who need Him most.

Death Anniversaries: Remembering My Loved Ones

2011-05-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

Grandmother with the Lori Kaye, Paducah, Kentucky

Late April and early May are the months when I face wave upon wave of 'death anniversaries.' Today marks the 21st anniversary of my maternal grandmother's death--Loraine Brunson Bohnenkamp (October 4, 1902 to May 17, 1990). I have written about my grandmother before here. But remembering her today I am reminded of an incredibly powerful passage in Sue Miller's 1999 novel, While I Was Gone. I am forever indebted to Sue Miller for out of her work of fiction emerged my practice of commemorating the death of a loved one through resurrecting their life with me through memories.

Death Valley Trip, approx. 1972 or 1973?

When my grandmother died in the auto accident I came face to face with the realization that much of what I believed about heaven and eternal life did not comfort me in my loss. It did not console me that I would one day meet her again after death, or that we would be in heaven together. I wanted her in my life then, at the age of 30 when my life stretched endless before me and her wisdom bolstered my uncertain steps toward full adulthood. My faith failed me in those days, and it was not until some nine years later reading Miller's book that I began to put back together the scattered pieces of my Christian faith and to make it my own. That was a resurrection of sorts, the rebirth of my faith through coming to grips with the death of people of loved.

Louis and Loraine Bohnenkamp, Grandmother liked this picture of herself

The passage is far too long to quote in its entirety. We will pick up midway through the sermon that Jo is attending in part as a gesture of conciliation to her husband, Daniel who preaching to his congregation on heaven and eternal life. Having set the stage that death brings pain and loss, he points out that pain may be a gift in that it forever fixes our minds on the yearning we feel for the person who has died and, over time the lucky ones of us will one day be able to smile and remember our loved ones.

“Daniel paused, a long pause. His voice, when he spoke again was soft, nearly a whisper.“And feel the pleasure in having her there again. In bringing him back to life for those moments. A new life. Truly a life after death.”

His face seemed to tighten. “Because if metaphor is one of the ways we have left to approach God, to begin to understand faith, memory itself is a living metaphor for the eternal life.” He paused, then slowly said, “Loss brings pain. Yes. But pain triggers memory. And memory is a kind of new birth, within each of us. And it is that new birth after long pain, that resurrection—in memory—that, to our surprise, perhaps, comforts us.

“It comforts us. And that comfort—even joy—the comfort that rises within each of us by the grace of God: that comfort teaches us something, here on earth, about eternal life. It makes us all feel something we can believe in about its promise.” He waited a moment, looking out over the heads of his congregation, looking, I felt, into me, and then he bent his head and read, “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, see the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them as their God. They will be his people and God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more. Mourning and crying and pain will be no more. For the first things have passed away.”

He lifted his head. “Remember it,” he said. “In this world, God gives us pain. But He gives us memory, too, to change that pain to laughter, to joy. To bring the dead back into our lives. To comfort us. To make us understand, by this living metaphor, His tender power.” He rested his hands on the edge of the pulpit. “To show us how, in that new world, God Himself will wipe away all tears.” (2000, Ballantine Paperback Edition, page 110)

motherhood: walking toward fire

2011-05-08T10:15:00.000-07:00

Today is Mother's Day. My motherhood took me quite by surprise. Nick and I didn't think we could have children, therefore we did not include parenting in our future, rather our shared dream was a lifetime of adventure rock-climbing, backpacking, boating, and travel. Our honeymoon set the stage for this life; we journeyed first to Ambergris Caye in Belize for the obligatory 'romantic destination' part of our honeymoon, and then renting a four-wheel drive in Costa Rica we set forth for the Monteverde Cloud Forest and a land where our rudimentary high school Spanish was of no use at all. Thankfully, a group of Quakers had settled in the area in the 1950's and their legacy included a school so that most if not all of the children spoke excellent English serving as able interpreters for us. But I digress. This is a reflection on motherhood.

Kaye on the porch, Monteverde Cloud Forest, Costa Rica, April 1994

As I said, Nick and I didn't think we could have children so when I got pregnant--surprise! I was not a happy camper at first, and loathe to change my lifestyle of hard work and harder play. Nick and I went ahead on our planned hike in Grand Canyon with my mother, brother, and I think our friend Barry, but I am not going to look it up to find out. I was intensely tired and not a little bit ill on the hike, but my doctor assuaged me that this was normal for a mother 'of your age.' Right after that we decided to tell everyone the joyful news, and right after that I lost that baby in a painful protracted miscarriage. I blamed myself for a long time despite my doctor's consolation that the miscarriage had nothing to do with my strenuous hike.

Burned, but not deterred Nick and I pressed on and Margo was born in 1996 and Madeline in 1998. I have been walking toward fire ever since then knowing that I may get burned but compelled to do it anyway out of my deep love for the daughters God gave us. That is what motherhood is all about as far as I am concerned. It is about love.

So as I contemplate my 15 years of mothering Margo and Maddie I think of two ancient stories of love. The first is the love of the Apostle Peter displayed on the night Jesus was arrested. Out of his great love for Jesus, Peter literally placed himself in harms way to be near the one he loved and followed:

They took Jesus to the high priest, and all the chief priests, the elders and the teachers of the law came together. Peter followed him at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest. There he sat with the guards and warmed himself at the fire. Mark 14:53-54 (NIV 1984)

And the second is Jesus on the Cross of Calvary when even as He died for the sake of mankind and His blood poured out, he prayed to the Father to forgive us:

When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. Luke 23:33-34 (NIV 1984)

I am not able to love as Jesus loved, rather I am more like Peter. The rest of his story is often used as a warning to Christians to beware of placing oneself in the path of temptation. You see, as he warmed himself by the fire in the courtyard, others came and recognized him as one of Jesus' followers. Realizing the danger three times he denies his connection to Jesus and as the rooster crowed we are told,

Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows twiceyou will disown me three times.” And he broke down and wept." Mark 14:72 (NIV 1984)

In my life, the fires of motherhood that I have not chosen, or the ones that have resulted from my unwise choices are the ones hardest to bear. I do not fault Peter for being near the fire! I relate to his willingness to follow Jesus even into the courtyard where he later would bear the shame of denying Jesus. I can bear up under the shame of my occasional anti-mothering moments when I remember Peter at the fire. Do I want to be safe (e.g. not go to the fire) or do I want my children to know I love them deeply? To be a great mother I must be willing to risk getting burned.

Jesus the Son of God sacrificed his God-ness for me and for all mankind. Extravagent, sacrificial love is the mark of a great mom in my book.

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35 (NIV 1984)

Like a Grandmother to Me

2011-04-29T12:19:00.000-07:00

Kaye and Grandmom Kate on the Zoo Train, 7/13/2006

My husband's grandmother passed away early in the morning on April 28, 2011. It's said that 'you don't choose your family,' and this is true when it comes to your parents and siblings (or step-parents etc.) but you do get to choose the family you marry into; when Nick popped the question, "Will you marry me?" I had in mind my future in-laws (parents, sister, brother, and grandmother) when I said 'yes.'

Nick's Parents, Grandmom, and Sister on Our Wedding Day, 4/16/1994

Before marrying Nick, I met Grandmom Kate just one time, on November 25, 1993 when Nick invited me to his parents' home for Thanksgiving. I was nervous; we had only been dating since October 31. This was during my health-kick and having been taught to bring a hostess gift I gave my homemade whole-wheat, no-refined-sugar bread to his mother, Dee. Everyone ate it, but to my recollection only Grandmom Kate gave me feedback. She pulled me aside privately, and told me the bread was like 'cardboard' and needed 'butter and sugar' for flavor.

At first blush, this may seem an unflattering story with which to open my tribute to Katherine D. Schmidt, but in fact her feisty directness was one of several 'threads' that wove our two separate lives together into a tapestry of shared friendship and love.

In the early years of my marriage, visits with Grandmom Kate were rare and coincided with her annual Thanksgiving visit to my in-laws' home; most of the year she lived in Trevose, Pennsylvania in the house she build with Nick's grandfather. In this picture from Thanksgiving 1995, Grandmom Kate (left) smiles for me as another long time family friend looks on.

Grandmom Kate and June on Thanksgiving Day, 1995

If it was her bold directness that first drew me to her, it was our shared love for my daughter and her great-granddaughter that took our relationship into a new direction. Margo was not an easy child, she slept little, cried often, and I worked a full time job. Grandmom Kate understood the challenge of working while raising a child and in her I found wisdom and understanding. I love this picture of the two us taken at my sister-in-law's wedding on April 20. 1996. Grandmom had a few good ideas about what to do about Margo's crying.

Grandmom Kate and Kaye, holding Margo Ellen, 4/20/1996

The third thread weaving our hearts together was her fierce love for and loyalty to family. I was raised in a close-knit family with my mom's parents sharing our home six months of the year throughout my life; her devotion to family made me feel at home. The act that symbolizes this for me is building houses, of all things. I have seen but do not have copies of pictures showing her building the Trevose house with her husband, helping her son and his wife clear the property and build their home, and then at the age of 91 moving to Arizona and building her last home, in Meadview, Arizona.


On Her Property in Meadview, Arizona, 5/19/2006

Grandmom loved to cook and she fed everyone who came to her home. The kitchen was the nerve center of her home.

The Kitchen at the House in Trevose, PA with Maddie, Riley, and Margo, 4/11/2004

Grandmom Kate shared her prized recipes and coached me and her great grandchildren in cooking them exactly as she did. I will remember her whenever I prepare these meals.

Margo and Great Kate Making Filled Peppers, 9/8/2002

My nephew, Nick Creamer making brownies with Great Kate, 7/16/2006

The fourth thread in the tapestry of our earthly time together, which is the characteristic that gives me the most comfort right now is Grandmom's joie de vivre, which translates literally 'joy of living.' Like her peers, she lived and worked during some the challenging periods in American history--the World Wars, the Depression, and the tumultuous 1960's that ushered in the post-post-modern world. She loved to tell about these times and places, but always there was her joy for the moment.

Silly hats on New Year's Eve...

From Left: Jim Creamer, Nick, Grandmom, Pop Pop Nick, 1/1/2005

A four wheel drive picnic in the desert around Meadview...

Nick, Grandmom, Margo on the Quad, Nick and Dee, Meadview, 4/10/2006

Awestruck by the beauty of a rainbow over the cliffs behind my father-in-law's house:

Marveling at the Rainbow, Meadview, 4/23/2007

Playing Scrabble with the family...

The Kitchen at Nick and Dee's House, Meadview, 5/7/2009

At the beach with almost all of her great grandchildren...

Seaside Beach, Oregon, 7/14/2006

In her last years, she was often not able to join us, for example she didn't go out fishing on Lake Mead. It became my habit to stay home with her during these times. I would knit and listen to her recount the many joys and sorrows of a life well lived.

On my visit in July 2010, she didn‘t talk much as on other visits. And when she did talk it sometimes didn’t make sense! But she was clear on a few things: she told me, “I have had a good life” and it was filled with “hard work and good friends but never much money” and “she has few regrets” and “I’m ready” and “I miss my Nick.” Then she was quiet.

There is an old hymn, “I’ll Fly Away,” and I was humming it while I knitted. Grandmom started humming along with me and then on the chorus, “I’ll Fly Away’ she swayed side to side flapping her arms with that mischievous smile I had come to know so well. I smiled back, and she winked at me.

This is the memory that brings me comfort today as I consider the many memories making up the tapestry of the 18 years I lived, laughed, and loved with her. She was like a grandmother to me, and I will miss her every day until we are united again.

I’ll Fly Away by Albert E. Brumley (1932) Performed by Jars of Clay;

Some glad morning when this life is o'er,
I'll fly away;
To a home on God's celestial shore,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

Chorus
I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

2.
When the shadows of this life have gone,
I'll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

Chorus

3.
Just a few more weary days and then,
I'll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

Chorus

LOVE Wins: Quantum Leap or...

2011-04-19T13:16:00.000-07:00


Improbable Research, Research the Makes you Laugh and Think, The Double-Slit Garage Experiment

Having written in an earlier post that I was reading Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins: A Book about Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived (HarperCollins, 2011) I feel honor-bound to actually write something now that I have finished reading it a second time. What to say?

Titles Considered and Discarded for This Post
I share this in hopes that you find it amusing, but also these reveal much about my reaction to Rob Bell's ideas in the book, and roughly in the order in which they came to mind:

LOVE Wins!: Suffer Hell NOW and LATER?
LOVE Wins! to Evangelicals: Wag More, Bark Less
LOVE Wins! Questions Without Clear Answers
LOVE Wins! is to Theology AS Quantum Theory is to Classical Physics
LOVE Wins! Yes, it Does

Okay, so those are the many discarded titles for this post. The conflict over this book is what interests me most, because it seems to corroborate the faith development and stage theory I have been studying. Stage theory predisposed me to expect conflict over the ideas in Rob Bell's book. As I posed at the conclusion of my earlier post, Stages of Faith: Running the River:

Today I am starting the next book in my stack: Love Wins by Rob Bell (Harper Collins, 2011). I am stopped at page viii of the Preface:

"I've written this book for all those, everywhere, who have heard some version of the Jesus story that caused their pulse rate to rise, their stomach to churn, and their heart to utter those resolute words, 'I would never be a part of that.'" (Love Wins, 2011, pg. viii)

Heretic, or fellow traveler, or rube? Hmm, won't know until I finish reading it!

I Read the Book: Is Rob Bell Heretic, Soul-mate, or Rube?

That depends on where you are on the river.

If you are in roughly the same stretch (e.g. stage of faith ) than like me, you are not going to find his ideas or use of scripture alarming. While I do not necessarily agree with every single point I am largely favorable.

But to those living in a different stage of faith, a world of "either/or," then Rob Bell's ideas may seem dangerously incorrect because he inhabits a later stage of faith--A quantum world where:
Light behaves as both a wave and a particle;
Heaven is both here (this age) and there (the age to come).
Hell is both here and there.
Jesus as the Way, and the Truth, and the Life is both exclusive and inclusive.

[Refresh your understanding of wave-particle duality here or better yet enjoy this book that explains physics in a thoroughly entertaining and enriching manner: Heisenberg Probably Slept Here: The Lives, Times, and Ideas of the Great Physicists of the 20th Century by Richard P. Brennan, 1997]

There are many boats on Faith River, and among those flying under the "Christian" banner there is a whole lot of ramming going on. In an interview, Rob Bell says the backlash has been 'painful' and that he wrote the book because "it seems the Gospel of Love has been forgotten." (KY3 News interview in Springfield, Missouri):

Favorite Quotes

My wife, Kristen and I often talk about raising our kids in such a way that they have as little as possible to 'unlearn' later in life. (page 22)

The big words, the important words--"eternal life," "treasure," "heaven,"--were all there in the conversation, but they weren't used in the ways that many Christians use them. (page 29, referring to Jesus' answer to the rich man in Matthew 19:16-22)

And so a universal hugfest where everybody eventually ends up around the heavenly campfire singing "Kumbaya," with Jesus playing guitar sounds a lot like fantasy to some people. (page 105, referring to the idea that anyone having chosen evil repeatedly in this life might someday turn back to God)

What happened on the cross is like...
a defendant going free,
a relationship being reconciled,
something lost being redeemed,
a battle being won,
a final sacrifice being offered,
so that no one ever has to offer another one again,
an enemy being loved. (Page 128)

John remembers Jesus saying, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14) This is as wide and expansive a claim as a person can make. (Page 154)

I admire Rob Bell for having the courage of his convictions to reach out and invite others to join him on the river of faith.

The Chapters of My Life in Song Titles

2011-04-14T11:16:00.000-07:00

What do you learn about yourself by reflecting on the music you listen to? If you were to divide your life into chapters whose titles were the songs you listened to then, what would that list include?

To the best of my recollection, these are questions that two friends (Les and Chuck) and I once asked and answered for ourselves; then we exchanged lists and talked about what we each learned about ourselves. How I wish I had my list today! I thought to recreate mine, but whatever I list today is just a reflection distorted by some 20 years of life that has since flowed under my bridge.

I can't go back to that former list, but I can still ask these same questions today and see what I learn. I plan to take as many days or weeks as necessary to flesh it out.

Care to join me in the journey by making your own list?
This is as far as I got today...the gaps are...well I am thinking about those years still, I guess.

Year//Song title//Perspective
Note: The year is the timeline of my life and not necessarily the year of the song's release.

1970 The Grass Roots, album Let's Live for Today//I am ten and this is my first album purchase which gets melted in the Kentucky sun when I leave it on the back shelf in the back window of our car

1973, The Carpenters, Close to You //The 'year of the tape recorder;' listened to this album over and over and over on my brother's new tape player.

1974, Would You Lay With Me by Tanya Tucker; I was 14, gawky, a misfit...

1979/1980, Against the Wind by Bob Seger; 2nd yr college living with the 'dorm dogs.'

1982, Only the Lonely, The Motels // Dating...it's complicated. I graduate December 1982.

1983, A Tie: I Confess, English Beat and Let's Dance by David Bowie; moved to NJ after I graduate, Am I an adult now? MTV!!!!

1984, Reason to Believe by Bruce Springsteen; I was raised in the Presbyterian Church and left organized religion for good in college. This song marks the beginning of my return.

1993, Fields of Gold by Sting; dating Nick, working at Winona, traveling on business a LOT

1994, Why by Annie Lennox[just Annie & her piano. Awesome video!!]; I was newly married to Nick, miscarried our 1st child, working a LOT...

2000, My Oh My by David Gray; I turned 40, FT employee, FT Mom to Margo (4) and Maddie (2)

January 2004, The Everlasting by Third Day; The year of my dark night of the soul;
May 2004, The Olive Garden, Original soundtrack The Passion;

2011, A Tie: Glorious Day by Casting Crowns and What Love Really Means by J.J. Heller; My life is more than half over--what do I want it to say or mean?

//Note: This is a running list I am adding to as songs come to mind.
April 15, 2011 // Added 1970, 1973, 2004.

Stages of Faith: Running the River

2011-04-10T20:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I re-read books because they helped me in the past and I need a refresher in the present. I just finished one in that category: Stages of Faith: The Psychology of Human Development and the Quest for Meaning published in 1981, in which James W. Fowler first put forth and developed a theory of how human faith develops and grows to maturity.

I first read Stages in 2004, while circling a spiritual whirlpool. I liken myself in that time to one of those birds frantically flying in the rafters of Costco Warehouse searching in vain for escape. Fowler’s notion of faith growing through 'stages' and his engaging description of each stage helped me come to view my fearful whirlpool experience not as dangerous, but as normal and necessary; a part of my passage from one stage of maturity to the next. Now my daughters, ages almost 13 and 15 are entering their own rapids; transitions from one stage to the next. My community of faith, Sunset Church is in transition. I needed a refresher. I got that and more.

The faith development theory emerging from Dr. Fowler's research is rather complex. The way I have come to understand it is by comparing it to a whitewater river map and our faith pilgrimage to a trip on the river, which I have depicted below (Sorry, I am no artist.) Each of his seven developmentally related stages of faith may be viewed as a rapid on the river; and some are more difficult to run than others.

I am not going to walk you through the stages except to point out that in Stages 0 to 3 individuals in one way or another rely on some authority outside themselves for spiritual beliefs.

The transition from Stage 3 to Stage 4 is a Class V rapid. Those that make the transition begin a radical shift from dependence upon another to making their faith their own. Fowler says, "For a genuine move to stage 4 to occur there must be an interruption of reliance on external sources of authority ... There must be ... a relocation of authority within the self"

If you want to know more now I point you to this interview transcript during which Dr. Fowler illuminates each stage or this article.

What I want to draw your attention to is the big picture.

Big Idea #1: The River is Universal

The river trip is universal because all human beings are on a quest to find meaning and make sense of life and it begins at birth.

Fowler says that faith is not the same as religion or belief and that faith is not always religious in content or context. He says that, "Faith is a person’s or group’s way of moving into the force field of life." He believes that faith in this generic sense is universal for all human beings.

"Faith, rather than belief or religion, is the most fundamental category in the human quest for relation to transcendence. Faith, it appears, is generic, a universal feature of human living, recognizably similar everywhere despite the remarkable variety of forms and contents of religious practice and belief." (Fowler, Harper Collins Paperback, 1997, pg. 14)

I picture it like this: I am in my boat and my faith journey does include religion--I am a Christian. You are in your boat and it includes Judaism. The river is filled with boats: Buddhist boats, atheist boats, agnostic boats...

Big Idea #2 People Run the River at their Own Pace
Faith development is not a college degree program. The point of the stages is to get a rough idea of what the journey might be like in a particular section of river. We are not to push ourselves or others to ever higher stages of faith. It was this level of knowledge, for example that helped me understand how to live in the whirlpool rather than fight it. Growth to maturity in faith runs like a river and we go with the flow;

Big Idea #3 We Form Communities of Faith
We tend not to run the river alone because faith is both social and relational. We form communities of shared interpretation. (e.g. church, synagogue, mosque, temple, local Sierra Club group, family, etc.) There is an inherent danger in our communities of faith becoming somewhat coercive in faith development. This is when patterns of nurture and practice within the community are designed to lead people up to a certain faith stage, but not beyond it. Members moving beyond the norm may feel pressure or conflict. His research found that the average modal development stage for American churches and synagogues to be about stage 3-synthetic conventional faith. Mismatches are painful!

He goes on to point out that the modern tendency to equate faith with belief turns people away:

"If faith is reduced to belief in credal statements and doctrinal formulations, then sensitive and responsible persons are likely to judge that they must live life 'without faith.' But if faith is understood as trust in another and as loyalty to a transcendent center of value and power, then the issue of faith--and the possibility of religious faith--becomes lively and open again." (Fowler, Harper Collins Paperback, 1997, pg. 14)

Big Idea #4: Communities of Faith Have People at All Faith Stages
Since everyone is moving down the river at their own pace, our communities of faith are filled with people in every stage. There may be tension between people at different stages of faith. For example, people in the stage above you may seem like heretics while the people behind you seem like rubes.
Today I am starting the next book in my stack: Love Wins by Rob Bell (Harper Collins, 2011). I am stopped at page viii of the Preface:

"I've written this book for all those, everywhere, who have heard some version of the Jesus story that caused their pulse rate to rise, their stomach to churn, and their heart to utter those resolute words, 'I would never be a part of that.'"

Heretic, or fellow traveler, or rube? Hmm, won't know until I finish reading it!

The Wisdom of Counting to Ten

2011-02-25T18:32:00.000-08:00

I took a study break to check my Facebook earlier today (2/24/11. I counted 24 hours before posting!), where I was greeted by a spate of status updates about Portland’s Snow Day. Some expressing great glee—“No school!” or “Three extra days to study.” I updated my own:

Mostly, everyone but me was pleased. Another thing I noticed is that one's stance on the snow day is not controversial. I know. You are rolling your eyes thinking, "Duh!"

Yet considering how I readily 'allow' my friends to hold a contrary opinion on things like snow days caused me to examine how I receive more controversial opinions.

Since I am reviewing electricity for my test, an analogy pops to mind. As you know, batteries are labeled in volts. When connected in a circuit, electrons flow from one terminal through the circuit to the opposite terminal. The battery is a simple form of direct electric current. More volts mean more oomph. So the potential difference across the terminals of a single 1.5 volt battery is half that across two 1.5 batteries connected end-to-end.

So, let's say that a snow day discussion is the equivalent of a standard flashlight with two D-batteries and a potential difference of 3-volts across the two terminals (1.5 volts*2). I am not jolted by my friends’ joy over a lost day even while I hold the opposite opinion.

On the other hand, I can be jolted by a friend’s opposing view on a high volt issue. Okay, snow days don't raise my hackles but some things hit me like a high beam flashlight powered by five D-batteries. The potential difference across the terminals of this circuit is two-and-one-half times greater than a regular flashlight 7.5 volts (5 * 1.5 volt). Do you know your high volt issues?

The Internet is both a boon and a bane in my opinion. I love the instant access to information.I have my net-book open all day long as I study for my upcoming education test, or when helping my kids with home work. Don't remember what Beta decay is? With a few keystrokes I found my answer. My kids laughed when I told them my Internet was a condensed Encyclopedia Britannica followed by a trip to the library.

The dark side of instant access to all this data and commentary is the ease with which users can comment on and share their thoughts. As I said above, every once in awhile I will encounter a 'high voltage' issue and in that moment it is all too easy to respond cruelly. Some of the things that people post on the Internet are astonishingly rude, crude, and downright mean. Take the Wall Street Journal book review on Chinese Mothering (aka The Chinese Tiger Mom.) Clearly, some of the people posting comments to that article neglected the old adage 'to count to ten before you respond."

I am not the only one with a Facebook and Twitter and constant access to the opinion around the Internet. Nick and I decided that since our kids are coming of age in this age we want to train them in responsible use of the technology available. Just as I was taught to use the library and encyclopedias so our daughters are learning how to use social networks, online databases etc. We have had many teachable moments. We have had setbacks, myself included.

Communicating online lets us engage in discussions about matters that are important to us, even worth fighting for; but not worth fighting about. What I am learning is that participating in this global information exchange takes a certain amount of self-control and discernment and empathy. My advice to myself and my daughters when confronted by, or writing about a high voltage issue is "Count to ten before you hit send/post" and these wisdom proverbs:

"A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger."

A fool’s talk brings a rod to his back, but the lips of the wise protect them.

Maybe Death Panels Aren't So Preposterous and Unlikely As I Thought

2011-02-07T13:03:00.000-08:00

While I am not a fan of the health care law that went into effect, I nevertheless have worked to understand the issues and to keep a clear head regarding the hype and drama spewed out from people and organizations on both sides of the debate.

The most heinous example of the rampant hyperbole, at least in my opinion are those that insist this law is the first step toward death panels and tight rationing of services. Despite having several Seniors in my own family with health care needs that require prescription medications and regular access to doctors and health care, the idea of death panels and rationing seemed far fetched to me, even preposterous.

Until today, that is. Today I got the call from the pharmacy that our health care insurance company overruled our family physician's diagnosis and recommendation, refusing coverage for the drug my family member has used successfully for many years and forcing us to pay out of pocket or switch to a generic that is not, as the pharmacist explained to me exactly the same drug. The main active ingredients are different, and although in theory the outcome should be the same, in the field many patients simply do not get the same results with the one that is now on the formulary in place of the former. I hung up the phone and realized that my health insurance company just prescribed the medicine that will be used to treat my family member under our health plan.

So, while I once scoffed at the idea that costs would rise astronomically, or that people with good health care plans now might lose them, or that insurance companies and bureaucrats might one day determine who gets health care, how and when I suddenly feel just an inkling of fear that perhaps the fear mongers and naysayers are not so preposterous as I once thought.

Well, this sobering realization will require additional consideration on my part, but first I need to set the appeal process in motion.

Classic Gary Larson: Funny, But Thankfully Heaven is NOT this Hard to Enter

2011-02-01T08:11:00.000-08:00

Faith is the key to Heaven's Gate...

There was a written notice above him, which read: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.

One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!”

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Excerpted from The Gospel According to Luke Chapter 23 (NIV, 1984)

Newton's Third Law of Motion

2011-01-29T14:37:00.000-08:00

You may recall from high school physics Newton's three laws of motion that govern every motion in the universe. I was thinking about the third law today, not in relation to the physical world, which is the domain in which it operates, but instead to the intangible psychological realm. First, in case you don't remember, Newton's third law of motion states:

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

I am astounded at the number of times my innate response to insult or pain is to return in kind. Sort of a Third Law of relationships. But today as I wrestled with not returning in kind, Newton's third law popped to mind and I found greater clarity about why I tend to desire retaliation, and how having a relationship with my Creator through Jesus is the only way for me to overcome my innate human inclination to balance things out.

The third law tells us that whenever a force is applied to an object that object simultaneously exerts an equal and opposite force. When I push against the wall, the third law tells me that the wall exerts an equal and opposite force on me; something physicists call a 'contact force.' Likewise, the chair I am sitting on as I type these words is exerting an equal and opposite force that keeps me from falling to the floor.

Here is another example from my textbook that seems even harder to grasp than the chair or the wall. Think of someone punching you in the eye. In fact, let's pretend I insult you and you hit me in the eye. Normally, we think in terms of the fist hitting the eye, but according to the third law it is equally valid to think in terms of my eye as blocking your fist thus exerting a force and changing the direction and speed of your punch. Certainly, as I nurse my blooming black eye it seems counter intuitive to think of my eye and your fist as exerting equal and opposite forces on each other. After all, I have a black eye and at most you have slightly red knuckles.

Yet, in the physical world, forces always operate simultaneously in pairs. In our imaginary conflict, a pair of forces is operating, but my tendency is to overlook one of them because it seems bizarre to consider my eye as exerting an equal and opposite force to your fist. Overlooking the one leads me to consider balancing things out by hitting you back. But as I mentioned already, from a physics standpoint, the forces were already balanced because in the collision of your fist and my eye the two exert and equal and opposite force on each other. My initial response to hit back, is not balancing anything out in the physical world, although I confess in the emotional realm perhaps, it is rather a second pair of forces operating simultaneously.

I suppose this could just seem like semantics to some, but I found it strangely liberating to be able to view things as 'even' after the first punch. It somehow helps me make the better choice that Jesus commands, which is to turn the other cheek. Now when I feel as if I have been wronged thinking in terms of how forces in the physical world are balanced will help me choose the better path to reconciliation instead of the hurtful path of retribution.

Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Luke 6:28-30 (NIV, 1984)

Filling Your Teenager’s Love Tank

2011-01-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

I am firmly in the camp that you do not need to be a parent to ‘get parenting challenges’ but you probably do need to be a parent before you can know how you will actually respond to any given challenge with your own child. Earlier this week my friend and I had the following exchange on Twitter:

Friend, “Why do you drive Margo to the bus stop every morning? Why not just drive her to school then?”

Me: “4.6 miles RT versus 4 blks. And it annoys you.”

Friend: “Just is weird that she doesn't walk the four blocks...guess it's one of those things I won't get till I have kids.”

Me: “Teen girls. Hair. Crack of dawn. 5 minutes extra and no rain is priceless. I’m glad I am home to do it.”

One of the things I respect about this particular friend is his brutal honesty with me regarding my kids. Our exchange motivated me to think about this situation in light of his questions. I drive Margo four blocks and let her sit in the car on rainy cold mornings but in other areas of her life I hold her feet to the fires of individual responsibility. How do I decide when to indulge? When I think about why it makes perfect sense. In this particular situation, my act of service and the quality time spent alone for those few minutes in my car adds love to Margo's ‘emotional love tank’ and fills it to the brim, even to overflowing.

What’s a ‘love tank?’ It is the metaphor used by Dr. Gary Chapman in his best selling books, “The Five Love Languages” that describes his fundamental belief that the need to be loved is at the heart of most human behavior. Moreover, when the love tank is empty, people tend to misbehave in a misguided search for the love they crave but do not feel. Chapman’s love tank idea is one of the most powerful parenting tools in my kit.

Dr. Chapman identifies five love languages and I have invested myself in learning which ones speak to the hearts of my daughters and my husband. Through experience I have come to see that when I love each of them in their language, I receive back a hundredfold the energy invested. Filling their love tanks is possibly the single most important thing I do for them because life tends to drain our love tanks on a daily basis. For my daughters these middle school and high school years are brutal on their self-esteem.

I generally hold things to the light of Scripture before moving forward with what seems like a good idea. Is the Five Love Languages approach something Jesus might approve of? I believe the answer is a resounding, “Yes!”

Jesus teaches that love really does make the world go around. As a Christian, I ask, “How should I live?” and He answers, “Follow me.” He explains to follow means to obey, and His love commands and their corollary The Golden Rule are not burdensome. I am such a believer in the power of love that I wrote about Jesus's essential teachings on love in one of my graduate admissions essays:

“ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind’. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Matthew 22:36-40 (NIV 1984)

Therefore, however you want people to treat you, so treat them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 (NIV 1984)

In these two passages, Jesus links the unseen and invisible act of loving God to the visible and outward act of loving others by giving their needs equal consideration. Thus loving others is the outward expression of inwardly loving God; our hearts are changed when we choose to love others. It is this volitional love that Jesus says is the hallmark of His disciples:

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35 (NIV 1984)

Choosing to love others by speaking their primary love language, then is one way I demonstrate my love for God.

According to Dr. Chapman, there are five universal categories or love languages. Of the countless ways humans can express love for one another most of us favor one, which he calls the primary love language. The Five languages are:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

Everyone has a primary love language, which is why I have made it my mission to spend these last 16 years learning and speaking the primary love languages of my husband and daughters.

Visit the Five Love Languages for Teens Blog and start filling your teen's love tank today.

A Picture for 2011

2011-01-12T17:20:00.000-08:00

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.
Psalm 1:3 (NIV, 1984)

Cottonwood Tree, Boucher Creek, Grand Canyon. 1989

Almost every year since attending "Thy Cup Runneth Over" Women's Retreat with the women of Valley Presbyterian Church in Scottsdale, Arizona, I have started the new year with a picture drawn from Scripture to guide my spiritual footsteps. This picture in my mind's eye helps me stay on track with positive changes in my life and it guides my acquisition of knowledge.
My 2011 picture comes from Psalm 1:1-3.

Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

The person that is like the tree is the one who delights in the law of the LORD. I want to be like that tree and these verses reminded me of a stately Cottonwood I once photographed growing in the bottom of Grand Canyon. Mom and I had hiked in from Hermit's Rest to Boucher Creek where we came upon it suddenly as we topped a ridge and descended to the valley floor where we would camp for the night.

Against the deep blue desert sky its golden leaves glittered and the swish of air in its leaves soothed like a lullaby. This Cottonwood lives in a barren land yet it thrives bearing its fruit in season because its roots are planted by the life giving water of the Creek. Even in the heat of summer when the surface of the creek is dry as old bones, the Cottonwood tap root receives water far below the surface.

I desire to be like that tree bearing fruit in season and whose leaves do not wither. The way is to be rooted by 'streams of water,' that is rooted and anchored in God's Word. When I seek God through reading His Word in Scripture, pondering it, and putting it into practice in my life then I will bear fruit in season and prosper; even when the surface waters dry up those rooted in the love of God will be able to sustain life.

This is my desire for 2011. To delight in God's word and to live my life in a way that produces good fruit, to quickly change direction when my actions are yielding bitter or rotten fruit.

What is your picture for 2011?

The Golden Rule

2010-12-15T12:46:00.000-08:00

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 (NIV)

I have been thinking about Matthew 7:12 often these past weeks because I built one of my graduate school admission essays around it. I am drawn to the simplicity of the Golden Rule and I have lived my life based upon its timeless truth. Still, it doesn't seem to work with all people. Do you know what I mean? You are kind, pro-active, helpful, and go the extra mile but there is often that one difficult person that still criticizes, controls, and belittles you.

My first experience with an apparent breakdown in the Golden Rule was in grade school. There was this girl a year older than me who took delight in tormenting me daily. I remember asking Mom for help because this girl was woven into the very fabric of my life. Not only was she the daughter of a prominent family in our small church, but also our mothers were friends, she rode my bus, and we shared the same desk in music and art class. It was like walking around with this angry dog hanging off my leg.

Mom read me a story book on the Golden Rule. The very next afternoon as we rode home on the bus and this girl teased me about being a 'baby,' I put my new knowledge into practice, swallowed my fear and, holding out my paper duck with the nifty movable legs, I said, "Look what I made today. Do you like it?" She tore its head off and handed back both pieces telling me, "You're such a stupid baby." I cried. I went home defeated, and astoundingly, Mom told me to keep trying. So I did. For years!

That girl bullied me up to the day she graduated 8th grade and blessedly went to a different high school. As young women returning to our small town during breaks from college, she at least began to treat me with cold civility instead of outright hostility on the rare occasion we served together on some church committee or another. Through the snide asides I practiced the Golden Rule striving to find one positive thing to say, or a kindness I could acknowledge. I didn't seek her out, but when confronted I didn't return in kind or defend myself. Maturity in age brought me the wisdom to see her for what she was becoming, a lonely and unhappy woman.

This is the point where one may conclude that the Golden Rule is flawed, and my faith in it is simplistic, misguided, even illogical. At first glance, in my situation it did fail by human standards. Being human the response we expect when we treat others well is the one that makes our life better, easier, or less painful. This would logically have been to have my classmate stop bullying me and treat me nicely, or barring that to have left me alone. The thing is Matthew 7:12 is not a command with a promise. Jesus says do this but He does not promise reciprocity or changed relationships. What he does promise is stated just several verses above:

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8 (NIV)

God loves every person on the planet; the ones who call on His Name; the ones who do not call on His Name; the hostile. He wants all to be saved. You may have heard it said of verses 7-8 that "Jesus is a gentleman." He pursues Us but He does not overwhelm our self-will. Responding to the Golden Rule is a heart response that not every person on the planet is able or willing to make.

So, I think sometimes it seems like the Golden Rule is not working because we have fallen into the lie that it is a promise for changed relationships when in fact the only thing we can expect is a changed heart within ourselves. What I have learned over the years is that if you keep at it, and give the Golden Rule a chance you will be better off over the long haul. You will feel good about yourself, and people will notice, and 90% of the time people do respond in kind. It just depends upon where they individually stand with God. And now for the rest of the story (a la Paul Harvey one of my heroes).

Resolution came years later, after marriage and motherhood and it took an inexplicable tragedy to bring healing and understanding between my childhood nemesis and me. On a visit home, I learned that this woman's toddler daughter had drowned in the family swimming pool. Margo was perhaps 18 months old then. No amount of bad blood could stem the tide of sorrow I felt for her; such an unhappy woman and then to lose a child like that. What would I want were I in her shoes? I called to extend my sympathy and I asked, "Is there something I can do to help?" And she asked me, "Can I tell you about my daughter?"

As I listened to her stories of their short time together we cried. We laughed. We surprised ourselves with how similar our daughters were in temperament and activity level. As we prepared to hang up, she told me, "All those years I hated you because your Mom loved you and she was so nice. You were so nice. Will you forgive me for all the mean things I said and did when we were kids?"

I said, "Yes, I forgive you."

Oddly enough, after 20+ years of our lives intertwined now that there is peace between us I have not seen or heard from or crossed her path since. What's up with that? Job over? God is still a mystery.

#3 Polished Cornerstones: Committed But Not Just Going Through the Motions

2010-11-09T16:01:00.000-08:00

I made a Wordle cloud using the Old Testament verses in Polished Cornerstone #1 that I have been reading this past week. These are verses about worship and what I am to do with my fellow Believers. Wordle takes the text I put in, analyzes the frequency of the words and spits out a picture where the BIGGER the word the more often it appeared in the original text. The picture is worth a thousand words isn't it? What do these verses instruct me to do with other believers?

First and foremost it is all about the LORD with HOUSE, ASSEMBLY, HEART and SEEK following close behind. There are action words: Go, Seek, Praise, Extol; there are emotion words: Joy, Love, Yearns, Faints. God teaches me through my reading and reflection on Scripture but often it takes a real-life experience to bring home a main point or connect the dots for the big picture.

That happened this morning. The dog and I left with Margo to head toward the bus stop like we do most mornings. We left late today and ended up walking along with the mob of kids converging upon the corner school bus stop. The mood of this throng is decidedly somber; in fact judging solely on body language and demeanor, these kids are prisoners walking the gauntlet. Isn't this the way I sometimes approach going to church? Especially lately when I am never sure who will be preaching or which friends may be gone for good.

In contrast to many of the kids, Penny, absolutely loves walking to the bus stop. She is not distracted by the idea of school, or any other baggage. Head held high, with an energetic bounce in her walk she surges forward with the kids, offering her trademark Aussie wiggle when one steps onto the sidewalk. These kids are her flock and guarding and grouping them make her heart sing. She knows her purpose. In fact, I have to drag her away from the gang of kids when we peel off to head over to the green space.

Penny presents a picture of how God wants me to approach assembly and fellowship with Believers. Focused on Him, head held high, jaunty walk, wiggle-butt joy for getting together to praise, give thanks, encourage friends, and hear the Word of God.

The Motions by Matthew West:

#2 Polished Cornerstones: A Woman Committed to Her Church

2010-11-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

As I have made my way reading down the list of Scripture verses in Polished Cornerstones Post #1 the words of these beautiful Psalms have evoked many childhood memories. Surprisingly the memories of events that warm my heart the most are not about going to church but about doing or creating something together often with others in our town. I shared one special memory with Nick over dinner on our date Friday night. Taking a sip of my Chianti and doodling on the trademark expanse of white butcher paper covering the table I asked, "What do you remember about the Cave Creek Christmas Pageant?"

He smiled and said, "I remember digging sand."

"Digging sand? You mean you were never a shepherd or a sheep or anything?"

"Nope. I worked behind the scenes but I would never be in it."

I expected his story to be like mine. I was once an angel. My brother, Charles was a shepherd and led a live sheep, or maybe a goat. But as Nick reminded me, he was 13 years old when his family moved in, and well past the age when all but the most theatrically-inclined boys would have sought a part in the Pageant. Instead, he pitched in behind the scenes digging sand that would uphold the candles placed inside the brown paper bag Luminarias that lined the roads to lead the "city-folks" into the outdoor amphitheater in the heart of Cave Creek.

The Cave Creek Christmas Pageant was a Big Deal in our day, and it was a time when our entire local community banded together to create a living Nativity Play. All the church choirs came together to provide the music. All the town children could be an angel, a shepherd or a villager; there were as many parts as there were aspiring Thespians or pushy stage-mothers.

The memory I treasure most is not having been an angel but rather the joy and sense of purpose that came from working side-by-side with people from all faiths, all walks of life coming together to tell the story of Jesus through the Cave Creek Christmas Pageant.

Polished Cornerstones: She is a Woman Committed to Her Church

2010-11-03T17:56:00.000-07:00

With our family’s church embroiled in a potentially divisive situation [see earlier post] I recently pulled out my copy of Polished Cornerstones written by Pam Forster (1997, Doorposts) so that the girls and I could work on trait #28: A Woman Committed to Her Church.

I have chosen a handful of the various projects presented and over the next several posts I am going to share what my daughters and I are doing together and learning as we explore commitment to our church. The first assignment is to explore God’s Word in 13 verses or passages of Scripture.

My favorite Bible destination http://www.biblestudytools.com/ offers study tools, ease of comparing translations, and for the overachiever, ready access to Strong’s Numbers and other online study tools to dig deep into God’s Word.

The Assignment

Read the 13 verses (see below).
Choose one, copy into your journal, and begin to memorize it.
Read the verse in several translations; click “Compare translations” where it appears below the verse in the online Bible.
Understand the verse in context; click ‘read in context’ to review the verses appearing before and after it with the original verse highlighted.
Now rewrite the verse in your own words. What does it mean?
Record a specific way in which you can change your actions or attitudes based on the teaching of the passage or verse.
Repeat this procedure of each of the verses until the list is completed.

The Verses (Choose 1):
Psalm 26:8 I love the house where you live, O LORD, the place where your glory dwells.

Psalm 27:4 One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

Psalm 35:18 I will give you thanks in the great assembly; among throngs of people I will praise you.

Psalm 84:2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

Psalm 111:1 Praise the LORD. I will extol the LORD with all my heart in the council of the upright and in the assembly.

Psalm 119:63 I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.

Psalm 122:1 I rejoiced with those who said to me, "Let us go to the house of the LORD."

Acts 2:42 They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

Romans 12:4-5 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Hebrews 13:7 Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.

1 John 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

The Sphere: Unity, Perfection, Completeness

2010-10-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

My fellow church members and I are faced with a vote on a sensitive motion with the potential for civil war as members choose how to vote. Many a church has been torn asunder over far more mundane votes than the one my church faces. My childhood church split when I was a teenager, and the pain of watching the adults who had raised me in Sunday school fight viciously and then leave to form a new church shattered my faith in organized religion. When I went to college I left the church proper, not God, just the church and I didn’t return until my mid-twenties.

Now, with teenage daughters of my own, raised in this church the stakes seem higher for me personally because I know they are watching me, and the other adults in our church to see how we handle this situation. There have been heartfelt pleas for unity, but what in the world does that look like when a body of Believers must choose which side of the motion to vote on? Does it mean being nice to one another? Does it mean just going along with the Elders as Christ went to the Cross? Does it mean I can't say what I think? What about after the vote; will the 'losers' leave never to be seen again?

As I was walking and praying for the ones on the other side of the issue I asked God to help me picture what unity might look like when they will vote one way and I another. The image that popped to mind was a sphere, a shimmering sphere like the bubbles my children once loved to chase.

What I remembered is that the sphere is defined as the set of all points that are equidistant from a central point (the center) by the distance (radius) and the points on the surface of the sphere exist in pairs, each having one exactly opposite it across the diameter of the sphere.

Aha! Can I picture the individual members of my church as points on the sphere with Jesus Christ at the center? Now I can see how opposites exist yet make up the whole sphere, and the unifying center point being Jesus Christ. Looking at it this way, the enemy is not my opposite but the enemy is outside; the enemy is Satan.

My idea is no so farfetched. A Google search on sphere AND perfect turned up many results. The 16th-century architect, Andrea Palladio held that

"the most perfect and most excellent" form was "the round form, since of all forms it is the simplest, the most uniform, the strongest, the most capacious" and "is the most suitable for rendering the unity, infinity, uniformity and righteousness of God. "

Cicero wrote in De natura deorum (On the Nature of the Gods):

"Two forms are the most distinctive: of solids, the sphere... and of plane figures, the circle... There is nothing more commensurate than these forms.”

Well, even so each member is charged with evaluating the evidence and casting a vote on October 24, 2010, and such a vote requires me to choose a side on the issue, but not sides. The ones who vote opposite me are still part of the sphere with Christ at the center. The true enemy is outside not across the aisle.

Turning the Other Cheek

2010-09-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

Jesus’ teachings challenge me on a regular basis. As I shared last time, Jesus is the lead dog for Christians but most of us have a hard time following. I have a hard time with ‘turning the other cheek,’ recorded in Matthew Chapter 5:38-42:

You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

When a person ‘strikes’ me, I can respond as Jesus commands by ‘turning the other cheek’, but what does this really mean? I have interpreted this as not attacking back, but something is missing because usually after I ‘turn the other cheek’ I feel so bad afterward; I internalize all this psychic garbage spewed out at me.
I had a chance to ‘turn the other cheek’ this morning on my walk. Well, actually, I had a chance to do it last night at the Westview High School football game; possibly I failed because here I get this second chance to practice less than 12 hours later. Come to think of it these are not graduate level exercises, here.

Penny and I left the house in a buoyant mood, fueled by God’s love and enjoying the sunshine; it has rained for days. My neighbor down the street burst my bubble, “Excuse me. Could you please not let your dog pee on my grass every day?”

In rapid succession I thought, “Ouch! My dog isn’t peeing in your yard. Good morning to you, too buddy. Hey, who is going to notice in this yard? Give me a break. Lighten up.”

My neighbor’s politely worded request knifed me in the gut, because I pride myself on being a thoughtful pet owner. I even potty my dog in my yard before we walk, because then she can usually make it to the park without peeing in someone’s beautifully manicured lawn. I managed to squeeze out my civil response, “My dog isn’t peeing in your yard, but thank you for telling me how you feel. I will keep that in mind when I walk my dog.”

Walking away, I cried, seriously. To be called on the carpet for this is SO UNFAIR. My response seems overblown, even to me but this is what I mean about how difficult it is for me to feel criticized, whether justified or not.

“Didn’t I just turn the other cheek? Where is the ‘peace’ you promised?”

I walked along and the sun was warm, the dog was happy, and eventually I let it go. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and in fact some dog owners do leave poop and destruction in their wake. Hey, maybe I was the 12th dog owner to walk by. Maybe defending myself hadn't been such a good idea, however polite my tone and language.

Another piece of the puzzle fit into place. My new idea is that ‘turning the other cheek’ is not about getting to the point where I don’t feel the pain of life’s slings and arrows. I have treated this like exercise; where eventually you don’t feel the burn because eventually you get into shape.

I don’t think it’s like that anymore. I think I might always feel the burn no matter how much I practice turning the other cheek. Maybe God wired me to feel life deeply so that I would be moved to act justly and love mercy; to defend the widows, the orphans, and the defenseless. This comes with some excess baggage, like being a bit thin skinned about offenses other people overlook with ease. So, I can choose to put down the excess baggage.

Red Light, Green Light

2010-09-14T14:48:00.000-07:00

Over the summer ODOT replaced the four-way stop sign at my intersection with stop light. Penny is not usually a leash-puller but since the light went in we fight a battle at the intersection. We approach and she sits, which is standard. But I noticed a new tug-of-war lately. Instead of waiting patiently she tries to cross which pulls the leash, so I stop her, and she sheepishly wags toward me and sits down. But seconds later she’ll do it again, and the cycle repeats.

Today she must have pulled five or six times while we waited for the crossing light to change from Little Red Guy Walking to Little White Guy Walking. It finally dawned on me that my dog is only doing what she has learned to do from experience at this intersection. We have done it hundreds of times; we stop at the corner and sit until the cars are gone and then we cross. Until the light went in, there was nothing governing our progress except the cars, which Penny can see and respond to. But what’s a stop light to a dog? Can she even see Little Red Guy Walking? The light holds no significance to her. Things seem basically the same. So, she relies on her old cues, and she tries to cross again and again when the way clears, and I have to pull her back to safety.

Her obvious confusion touches my heart. I want to fix it now so she doesn’t have to muddle through this middle time of trying the old way, hitting the end of the leash, and being confused by the pain. But I know from experience that she will get through it. My job is to stay calm, be gentle and love on her while she figures out that she has to wait for my cue before crossing. I am rooting for her!

I am really not all that different from my dog. I have been walking along the road of life with Jesus this past year, and I keep trying to cross this one intersection the way we have crossed it a hundred times in the past. “Darn it, the road is clear, why did you haul me back to the curb?” I have been angry, depressed, and confused. It has been a tough year. But today, the sun broke through the clouds to reveal, the new stop light for what it is; the crossing has changed; I need to adapt.

Adapting to change is not my strength. I like things to be predictable and constant. Do you remember the bumper sticker that says, “Unless you’re the ‘lead dog’ the view never changes?” Jesus is the lead dog for Christians, and I think most of us experience difficulty following. Some of us crave new scenery and fight to the death to take the lead from Jesus. Others, like me find comfort in unchanging scenery and draft Jesus letting him do the heavy lifting. When I get stuck, Jesus shakes things up to snap me out of it and re-engage me in our run. He puts in a new light, so to speak, not to harm me, but to catch my attention and help me grow to maturity through adapting to a new situation, or overcoming adversity.

I smile, and remember that I am never alone. Jesus is rooting for me in my struggle, and He will stay calm, be gentle and love on me while I adjust to the new stop light in my life.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20

Can Anything Good Come Out of Nazareth?

2010-08-27T10:03:00.000-07:00

All men are created in the image of God, but prejudices and preconceived ideas can blind me to seeing God in others. Am I alone? Not at all. Nathanael, a devout Jew was among those called to follow Jesus. At first, he dismisses Jesus as a nobody simply because he comes from the wrong town, Nazareth!

John 1: 45-46 (New International Version) Philip found Nathanael and told him, "We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph."

"Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" Nathanael asked.

"Come and see," said Philip.

When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false."

"How do you know me?" Nathanael asked.

Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you."

Then Nathanael declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel."

How tempting it is to believe that God is not in another simply because they come from the wrong town, the wrong religion, the wrong neighborhood, or the wrong political party.

Lord, today help me to be like Nathanael who looked past Nazareth, and found the Son of God. Give me eyes to see others as you do; created in the image of God--Imago Dei. Amen.

Gilgamesh to the Mythical Island of LOST, 4000 Years: The Start of the Journey

2010-06-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

I have spent what is probably an unhealthy amount of time pondering the ancient poem Gilgamesh while simultaneously catching up on the previous five seasons of the television series Lost. A lot has changed in 4,000 years, but not death. Men still die. Death's inevitability gives rise to the big questions of life, and both the poem and the TV show grapple with life's toughies:

What happens when I die?
Is there an afterlife?
Is there meaning and purpose in suffering?
Whose in charge of my life? What about forgiveness? Second chances?

Death marks the beginning of each hero's quest.

After Gilgamesh's friend Enkidu dies in his arms, he dons wild animal skins and embarks on a journey in search of immortality. Along the way he encounters the divine barmaid Shiduri on the shores of the mysterious ocean. She is frightened by his wild appearance yet curious about his grief. He explains:

Gilgamesh's Lament

Shouldn’t my cheeks
be hollow, shouldn’t my face be ravaged,
frost-chilled, and burnt by the desert sun?
Shouldn’t my heart be filled with grief?
Shouldn’t I be worn out and ready to collapse?
My friend, my brother, whom I loved so dearly,
who accompanied me through every danger—
Enkidu, my brother, whom I loved so dearly,
who accompanied me through every danger—
the fate of mankind has overwhelmed him.
For six days I would not let him be buried,
thinking, ‘If my grief is violent enough,
perhaps he will come back to life again.’
For six days and seven nights I mourned him,
until a maggot fell out of his nose.
Then I was frightened, I was terrified by death,
and I set out to roam the wilderness.
I cannot bear what happened to my friend—
I cannot bear what happened to Enkidu—
So I roam the wilderness in my grief.
How can my mind have any rest?
My beloved friend has turned into clay—
my beloved Enkidu has turned into clay.
And won’t I too lie down in the dirt
like him, and never arise again?
Quoted from Stephen Mitchell's A New English Version Gilgamesh, New York, Free Press: 2004

How I love this poem with its earthy realism that holds nothing back. I share in Gilgamesh’s mortality. I am familiar with the soul-rending sorrow when a loved one dies. I have not, however, seen a maggot drop from a corpse, for which I am eternally grateful!

Fast forward 4,000 years to the mythical island of Lost where we meet Jack Sheppard shortly after his plan has crashed on a tropical island. It all begins when Jack’s eye opens. He and a handful of others have escaped death in a fiery plane crash. So begins their story of survival, redemption, friendship and the meaning of life and death.
You can watch the opening minutes of Pilot 1: Beginning here (Warning: Some graphic violence as Jack reaches the beach):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s96iG2lwam4&feature=related

Next time, Gilgamesh versus Lost: What happens when we die? Where do we go?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

2010-06-04T15:16:00.000-07:00

The Clash released 'Should I Stay or Should I Go' the summer before my last semester of college. Its chorus has echoed in my head ever since breakfast this morning. The girls are sad and concerned that their youth pastor announced his resignation on Wednesday night. We got to talking about how Christians can know when God is calling us elsewhere. “How does Kurt know to go, Mom?”

Well, I can’t speak for Kurt, but when I was 29-ish I faced my own stay or go situation in a job I both loved and hated. I owe my boss, Bob Kerrey a debt of gratitude for shepherding me through some difficult times on the job, and for giving me grace and the tools to discern where God wanted me to work then. Through the trial I learned a lesson, which I took to heart, and which has served me well in ensuing years.

I have a very hot temper, and back in my late twenties I was known for losing it. Bob was my boss at my second job, right out of graduate school. His first evaluation described me as “a diamond in the rough whose opportunities for growth include…mastering her temper…exhibiting respect for the ideas of others…developing restraint in client meetings.”

The hours were long, I traveled often and always we were at the mercy of our customers’ demands. It was hard, but I excelled and I was very good at what I did. When I was 31 years old, I was promoted to department manager when Bob became a Vice President. This unleashed a whole new set of opportunities for personal growth.

Leadership did not suit me. My very first day on the job our company was implementing a corporate-wide downsizing, and I had to give the sad news to the unlucky analyst in my department. Newly married, expecting a child, and about to sign a mortgage, he cried; I cried; it was awful. The long hours and stress of the work itself was difficult enough, but the personnel problems and conflict, the budget nightmares and the hard decisions pierced my heart and took a toll on me. I looked to leave but found nothing suitable, so I stayed and got more bitter with every month I stayed.

Things came to a head when a co-worker denounced my work in front of my boss, including every cubicle in hearing distance, and demanded she get a revised report on her desk Monday morning. I attacked. She retaliated. Bob set in motion his renowned peacemaking skills. He assured the irate account executive her client would be satisfied, and turning to me, he acknowledged my frustrations, and excused me to “cool off” in my office while he looked over the situation.

Bob didn’t condemn me, neither did he accept my resignation, which had been blurted in anger. Instead he asked me a few questions: “You told me, ‘I quit.’ Before I accept your resignation I need to ask, “Where is God calling you to go? Do you know? Have you asked?”

Silence. Of course I had not done these Christian essentials. Fueled by months of frustration over unresolved issues, I had erupted in the heat of the moment.

Next, Bob proposed something astounding and gracious, “I value your contribution and I don't want to see you leave. I propose a 30-day unpaid leave of absence with full benefits. If at the end of that time you still want to resign, I will accept it with no argument. But before you go, I have two things to tell you about discerning God’s will and I want to pray for you.”

He pointed out that in his experience, God doesn't call people to go nowhere rather he gives them a general idea of the destination and some resources to get started. For example, God called Abram to leave Haran and go to the land of Caanan:

“The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you…So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; … Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran... they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there. Genesis 12: 1-5

And in the case of Moses, God called him to leave Midian and go to Egypt. He calmed Moses' fears and gave him a spokesman, his brother Aaron:

"So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt." Exodus 3:10

Next, he told me that running away rather than running toward a destination should be a warning flag that the time to leave is not right. For this, he turned to Hagar’s story in Genesis Chapters 16 and 21. I am greatly simplifying and shortening it, but Hagar’s story has two main parts. First, Hagar, a slave girl gets caught in a dispute between her mistress, Sarai and their master Abram because Sarai wants kids and she intends to get them through Hagar. A pregnant Hagar flaunts it in front of Sarai, a cat fight ensues and Hagar runs away. We catch up with her in the desert where an angel of the LORD finds her and asks her a question:

And he said, "Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?"
"I'm running away from my mistress Sarai," she answered.
Then the angel of the LORD told her, "Go back to your mistress and submit to her." The angel added, "I will so increase your descendants that they will be too numerous to count." Genesis 16:8-10

Hagar obeys the Lord and returns to Sarai where she indeed gives birth to a son, who is named Ishmael. In the second half, other stuff happens and Sarah gives birth to a son in her old age, who is named Isaac. Ishmael mocks Isaac and Sarah tells Abraham, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that slave woman's son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac." Abraham is rightly dismayed because it concerns his son Ishmael, but the LORD speaking through Sarah insists the time is now right for Hagar to leave.

But God said to him, "Do not be so distressed about the boy and your maidservant. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring [b] will be reckoned. I will make the son of the maidservant into a nation also, because he is your offspring. Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. She went on her way and wandered in the desert of Beersheba.
Genesis 21: 12-14

After retelling the stories, Bob prayed for me and I set off on my own journey of self-discovery.

Looking back from the vantage point of middle age, I see how very fortunate I was. I think most people would have just let me leave, and good riddance. But Bob gave me grace, he provided space and the tools to seek God and make an informed decision to stay or go. After the month was up, I swallowed my pride and went back into the fire.

Going back must have been hard for Hagar too but by going back, Ishmael got time with Abraham. Going back was hard for me, but I don’t regret it. I learned a lot more by working through my conflicts than I probably would have by leaving. And, when the time was right, my destination was clear, and I received the resources to get started.

Should I stay or should I go now…? The only way for the Christian to find out is to seek the LORD in prayer and to step out in faith taking baby steps toward the land to which God has called you to go.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

From Gilgamesh to the Mythical Island of LOST, 4000 Years: Part 1

2010-06-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

I didn’t see it when it aired, but in Lost’s season two episode, ‘Collision,’ John Locke is in the hatch working a crossword puzzle and he writes the name Gilgamesh for the clue ‘Enkidu’s friend.’ The scene is 16 minutes in and if you blinked, you missed it. Whether you saw it or not, do you recognize the literary reference?

The god-man Gilgamesh and his best friend, Enkidu are possibly the world’s first literary dynamic duo. Their tale of friendship, love and heroic adventure is told in a 4000-year-old Mesopotamian poem, The Epic of Gilgamesh. What are they doing in a 21st century serialized Sci-Fi Fantasy show?

This is the first of two parts. Part 1 tells of Gilgamesh and summarizes his story, its discovery and its contribution to world literature. Part 2 returns to the mythical island of Lost and discusses the parallels and contrasts of thought on death, life, religion and the afterlife as portrayed in each of these stories separated by 4000 years of human thought and experience.

Part 1: Who was Gilgamesh? He is believed to be a historical king ruling the ancient city of Uruk circa 2,800 BC. His name appears on the Sumerian King list. The earliest stories and legends told about Gilgamesh were inscribed on clay tablets and are known as the Old Babylonian version. At some point someone collected the various stories weaving them into one extended poem that was inscribed on twelve clay tablets, the most complete of which was discovered in the ruined library of King Ashurbanipal of Assyria.

Most of the clay tablets were collected by Austen H. Layard, Hormuzd Rassam, and George Smith in the mid-19th century. Interested readers may learn more about the discovery, translation and early publication of the Epic in the book by David Damrosch, The Buried Book: The Loss and Rediscovery of the Great Epic of Gilgamesh, 2006.

The Epic of Gilgamesh tells the story of how a bad king, whose excesses were exasperating his people, was transformed into a good king by a friendship, heroic adventures, and an arduous journey in which he faced mysterious situations and frightful monsters. It is the story of how Gilgamesh learned to accept the inevitability of death, to let go of his ceaseless striving for fame and to embrace his responsibilities as king and shepherd of his people.

Summary of the Poem: Gilgamesh is chiefly a meditation on death. In the first part we meet the arrogant young king Gilgamesh of Uruk who is wearing out his people with endless building projects and has an alarming proclivity for all night partying and abusing the city's young brides on their wedding night. The people cry out to the gods who hear them, and respond by creating a friend, the wild and uncivilized Enkidu.

Gilgamesh turns his enormous energy and attention to his new friend, Enkidu and the two set out to make legendary names for themselves through heroic adventures. Together they slay fearsome Humbaba, the guardian of the Cedar Forest and vanquish the sacred Bull of Heaven. Thwarted at every turn by their capricious pantheon of gods, the two at last find only one enemy remains unconquered—and that is death!

This realization that he too will die, marks the turning point of the epic. Terrified by his fate, Gilgamesh dons the skins of wild animals and travels to the distant lands on a quest to find the secret of everlasting life.

I see Gilgamesh as the great-great-great-grandfather of world literature, not only because it is very old and tells a timeless story, but also because its influence is recognizable in works that followed it in history. Seeds sown in Gilgamesh reappear slightly modified in the Bible, the Homeric epics, and One Thousand and One Nights. It was lost in antiquity and resurfaced in the mid-19th century where it is captivating modern readers, and even finding its way to the mythical island of Lost.

There are many ways for modern readers to experience this timeless masterpiece of Mesopotamian literature. Here are ones I personally have read and enjoyed:

Readers of all ages can appreciate the beautifully illustrated trilogy of books by Ludmila Zeman, which tell the story in a way that is suitable for children in the middle elementary years.

Gilgamesh the King, retold by Ludmila Zeman, Canada: Tundra Books, 1992.
The Revenge of Ishtar, retold by Ludmila Zeman, Canada: Tundra Books, 1993.
The Last Quest of Gilgamesh, retold by Ludmila Zeman, Canada: Tundra Books, 1995
Gilgamesh the Hero, retold by Geraldine McCaughrean and illustrated by David Parkins.

Versions for mature teenagers and adults [Note: The poem has some sexual scenes and word plays that may not be suitable for all readers!]

The Epic of Gilgamesh translated and Edited by Benjamin R. Foster, New York: W.W. Norton and Company, 2001.
The Epic of Gilgamesh: A New Translation, Andrew George, London: Penguin Classics, 1999.
Gilgamesh: A New English Version, Stephen Mitchell, New York: Free Press, 2004.

For students of Old Testament archeology and history I suggest the classic:

The Gilgamesh Epic and Old Testament Parallels, Alexander Heidel, Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1949.

"Gilgamesh is stupendous...and I consider it the greatest thing one can experience."
Rainer Maria Rilke, German poet, to Katherine Kippenburg, 11 December 1916

Whose Way?

2010-05-19T15:46:00.000-07:00

This morning as I cut the notch marks inward instead of outward on the pieces of a dress I am sewing, I thought about the authority problems I had in 8th Grade Home Economics. Back then I refused to cut the notches inward. I guess I have matured at least a bit in 36 years.

Sewing patterns have notches that are used to align the fabric pieces during assembly and sewing. My Mom taught me to cut them outward so that the entire seam allowance was available for tailoring the fit of the garment to the wearer.

My Home Ec teacher made us cut them inward. Even after I explained about the seam allowance issue, she still insisted I do it her way. I chose not to and so began the battle of wills. Where her ways were different I did it Mom's way.

I justified my ways by telling myself I was honoring my mother and father. But really all I wanted was my way, which I believed was right. So, I sewed a perfectly tailored dress that fit me beautifully but I got a C on the project, which brought my overall grade for the year to a B.

Mom took my dress to the school to talk to my teacher about my grade, where she was told, "Kaye repeatedly failed to follow my instructions." I gulped when she told me she had been in to see my teacher, but she didn't scold me. She told me three things:

She commended me for upholding what she had taught me about sewing.
But she also reminded me that God had placed the teacher over me, so fighting her was really rebelling against God. I was to choose the teacher's way unless her instructions contradicted God's laws.
Lastly, she pointed out that my rebellion had a steep consequence. My dress grade did not accurately reflect the quality of my work rather it reflected the bad quality of my attitude toward authority.

I am so glad my Mom helped me navigate the minefield of adolescent rebellion against authority. She began that day to use the wisdom of Scripture to teach me a proper respect for God's authority over me, as well as those He places in authority over me. I know I have been as successful as I have been because of her teaching and because I rightly ceded to her parental authority in taking that teaching to heart.

My own kids have their authority battles and like Mom, I cling to the wisdom of Scripture as I help them navigate these rocky shores. The Bible is rife with examples of rebellion and God's wise advice on our submission to godly authorities. Here are two of my personal favorite passages on authority:

In Luke 20:20-26 a group of Jewish men trying to trap Jesus ask him, "Is it right for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not?" He said to them:

"Show me a denarius. Whose portrait and inscription are on it?"
"Caesar's," they replied.
He said to them, "Then give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's."

And in Romans 13: 1-7 we read Paul's advice to the Christians in Rome, which starts out saying:

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.

The Road to Reconciliation is Paved with Cookies

2010-05-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

During my teen years, Grandma Bohnenkamp and I had frequent and heated arguments of epic proportions in which doors were slammed, voices were raised and tears were shed. But, once the dust settled and the tears dried, she would seek me out, and ask me to come bake cookies with her. This was her favorite way to reconcile our broken relationship in the wake of my volcanic eruptions.

Tending to the familiar tasks together but without needing to speak to each other while we worked alleviated any lingering hurt feelings, so that by the time we sat down to eat them, I was usually ready to talk. Over cookies and milk the guilty repented and together we peaceably sought unity and resolution. Grandmother wisely provided me a way back to loving fellowship with her and always pointed to love as the balm for all wounded hearts:

Above all, love one another deeply for love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

I have not thought about this peace-making tradition in years, but it came back to me yesterday. I have been in a kerfuffle with two people at church. I sighed with relief as I hung up the phone knowing the main issue was resolved. It was time to mend fences, so I headed to the kitchen to bake cookies to give them that night. This is entirely out of character as I am not a Martha Stewart kind of gal. But cookies seemed right. As I measured, mixed, and baked the memory of making cookies with Grandma came back to me and I jotted 1 Peter 4:8 and a short note to each recipient.

As it happened, parents attended youth group with their kids this week. On the way home Nick, the girls and I talked about some of the questions raised in our respective small groups. Talking about making up after a fight I wondered out loud why it had never occurred to me to do as my grandma did, and make peace by making cookies. Margo blurted out, “We don’t bake cookies together but you almost always take us out for ice cream when we have a fight.” I silently breathed a sigh of relief that we have some sort of peacemaking tradition because we certainly have a lot of arguments these days.

The road to reconciliation and reconnecting with teens is going to be unique to every family. The point is not how I do it, but that I do it. I honor God when I actively look for ways to bring my estranged teen back into my fellowship. God does this for His children, so I can do no less:

But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him. 2 Samuel 14:14b

The Young Peacemaker is an excellent Middle School Student resource to help your family learn important skills for life.

The Gong Show

2010-05-05T14:03:00.000-07:00

Do you remember The Gong Show? It was a late-Seventies game show I just loved when I was in high school. A celebrity panel of three judged among amateur performers of questionable talent. If a judge deemed the act untalented he would strike a large gong that forced the performer to stop. Acts that didn’t get gonged received a score from 0 to 10 for a maximum of 30 points. The winner received a modest financial award.

The host and judges worked the crowd to a fever pitch anticipating the probable humiliation of seeing someone get the gong. Mostly, contestants sheepishly accepted humiliating defeat, but not always. My heart would race as the laughter built up until finally the axe would fall as one judge melodramatically struck the gong to curtail the act. Sometimes a performance was deemed so deplorable that two or even all three judges would simultaneously strike the gong.

The show popped to mind today as I found myself still brooding over an email volley from yesterday, and my response to it. It was all supposed to be encouraging and good, but in the way of text and email, something got lost in the translation. The tersely worded reply I got back left me feeling humiliated and clueless, just like one of the hapless contestants gonged on the old show.

I turned to Paul’s thoughts on love and clanging gongs. He writes:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 1 Corinthians 13:1 (NIV)

Speaking without the motivation of love renders me about like one of those judges on the Gong Show. Ouch! I felt gonged by the email I got and I instinctively reacted in anger, quickly shooting off a sarcastic resounding gong of my own.

Seeing my failure I found myself on the phone today, seeking forgiveness for not handling my hurt in a more godly way. How I wish I had written with love in the first place! This is what Paul says love is:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

It's Not Volunteering if it's Required

2010-05-01T11:43:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday I found a pre-recorded message on my machine reminding me that Nick and I had signed up our family to volunteer for our church's 5-2-10 Event by landscaping at Westview High School. Instead of regular Sunday services our congregation will fan out into the community to serve in nursing homes, schools and elsewhere.

I listened with half an ear to see if the message included anything I didn’t already have jotted in the family calendar. I was jolted to total attention by the concluding sentence:

"This effort counts toward community service for graduation requirements, please call…”

I reacted heatedly, “Argh!!! Don’t tell me Westview has mandated volunteer hours for graduation!”

Required volunteerism is an oxymoron. Yet, a growing trend among public and private high schools in the United States is mandated community service hours in order to graduate with a diploma. Does this one arouse your better angels? As it turns out, Westview’s program is presently voluntary. “Whew!”

I hate to state the obvious, but by definition, volunteering is, well voluntary. Coercing students to do 40 to 60 hours of community service in return for credit hours and sometimes their diploma is nothing more than indentured servitude. When it is required, the joy of serving is lessened because it is not a gift freely given.

The best way to teach youth the value of volunteering is by example. Traditionally, parents passed on this value. I have such good memories of volunteering in childhood. My fondest is of our 4 x 4 Club’s annual trek to Crown King, Arizona where we would spend the day cleaning up the historic cemetery while visiting with good friends. I hope our girls will look back fondly on the things we have done as a family; we have delivered toys at Christmas, delivered meals to elderly shut-ins, visited with nursing home residents and volunteered at the local no-kill cat shelter.

In today's world of broken families and busy schedules our schools can play an important role passing on this value to students, but not through force but by establishing their own traditions of volunteering together where students see a need.

This is what my church’s 5-2-10 Project is all about: setting an example of service to our community. I can hardly wait for Sunday morning because I know from past experience that I will feel the pride of accomplishment in a job well done, and I will get to enjoy the camaraderie of working alongside others from my church congregation.

Stockpiling

2010-04-30T10:59:00.000-07:00

I am not generally a brand-conscious shopper, but for a handful of products I shell out the higher price to get a preferred brand. Joy is my liquid dish soap. Costco consistently offers the lowest unit cost for Joy, but many times it is unavailable. So, I buy two or even three jugs at a time when I do find it. I lost track of my inventory in February, and Costco hasn’t had it where I shop since. I have been forced to buy the smaller more expensive bottles at Winco.

I am just frugal enough that today, I thought about going to a different Costco hoping to strike it rich in Joy dish soap. Thinking about tossing the huge jugs into my cart the image of Israelites gathering manna came to mind. “This is odd, but explainable,” I thought, “But what did this have to do with my stockpiling Joy dish soap?

I thought back to Kurt’s message from Wednesday night. Teaching from Exodus 16, he retold the story of God raining down bread from heaven to feed His people during their sojourn in the desert. Kurt had used the manna to illustrate to our middle school youth that the commandment to Honor the Sabbath is so important that God provided sufficient manna on the sixth day of the week to last for the seventh, which was their Sabbath when they were to do no work.

Some of the Israelites have a hard time trusting God’s provision. A group gathered extra manna on a weekday, just in case. But kept overnight it became inedible and filled with worms. No stockpiling allowed! God was teaching the Israelites to trust Him for their daily bread. Some (Is it the same ones?) go out on the Sabbath to pick up manna, but find none. God is teaching them He does what He says. On six days God provided the manna, but only on the sixth day of the week could the Israelites stockpile it and find it edible on the seventh day, their Sabbath.

Stockpiling says something about my perceptions of the provider. I stockpile Joy because Costco offers the lowest unit price but is an erratic supplier that cannot be trusted to have it when I need it. Do I believe God is an erratic supplier that cannot be trusted to give me what I need? Exodus 16 clearly teaches that the Lord is a reliable supplier who can be trusted.

Perhaps the Joy Dish Soap and the manna are gifts from the Holy Spirit, my comforter and counselor. I feel a niggle of pain because, come to think of it I have lost my joy—not only the dish soap but also the fruit-of-the-spirit! I don’t know what's stealing my joy, but I know how to find out. I can ask the One who knows my innermost self to reveal where in my life I am stockpiling instead of trusting the Lord for my daily bread. I can trust that all things will be used for good because I love God and He calls me His own.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. Romans 8:26-27

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8: 28

Mining for Gold in the Ancient Words

2010-04-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

I have visited a sheep farm, but I am not a shepherd. I am not a farmer. I am not nomadic. I have no king. I do not live in a paternalistic and tribal society where women and children are little more than chattel. Yet every day I crack open my Christian Bible and read texts where my understanding often hinges on my grasping scenes and cultural conditions far removed from modern life. I am now in my 9th year of reading through the Bible. Despite persistence, repetition and even historical study of the time period many of the illustrations, metaphors and parables remain inscrutable.

Yet I persist because when Ancient Words intersect my daily life, I strike gold in the form of God’s voice from across the ages. Gold nuggets of wisdom make my joy complete and what I learn is woven into the very fabric of my being. Like a Forty-niner in California or a Stampeder in Yukon Territory, the mere hope of striking it rich keeps me coming back year after year mining for gold in the Ancient Words.
Glory hallelujah, I found a nugget last Thursday morning! Reading along in Luke 22:14-30 where Jesus shares the Passover meal with his disciples, a quarrel erupts among them over who will be the greatest in Jesus new kingdom. Interrupting, Jesus says to them [Luke 22:24-30]:

"The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves. You are those who have stood by me in my trials. And I confer on you a kingdom, just as my Father conferred one on me, so that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel."

Jackpot! The Ancient Words intersect my daily life. From my senior year of high school through five years of college I waited tables in 5-star restaurants or resorts. It was physically demanding work and for a young woman it was often demeaning; Slaps on the rear and fondling from waiters and customers alike was not uncommon in those days. Business men viewed me as a captive audience for their lascivious jokes. Once I was tipped with a hotel room key. Women were difficult in their own cruel way often reacting hysterically and rudely to the slightest error in meeting their exacting demands for presentation or preparation.

I was jolted by Jesus' words that he came not as a Benefactor at the table, but as one who serves. My experience as a waitress was the most demeaning, exhausting and humiliating time of my life. Do you know that once I graduated college and began my work as a chemist I swore to never again work as a waitress? In 28 years I have sometimes worked at stop-gap jobs, but I have never again waited tables.

But Jesus clearly commands that his disciples are to “rule as one who serves at the table” and astonishingly, Jesus tells them he came as one who serves. He goes on to tell them that their reward for standing by him is a seat at the table in the Kingdom.

If I am to live in obedience to Jesus’ teachings how am I to behave? What does service at the table look like in my family, home, church or community?

Three years ago, maybe more the girls started doing their own laundry. One daughter was ranting about her sister’s clothes left in the washer. I asked her, “How can you serve your sister in this situation?”

She answered, “I guess I could not yell at her for leaving her work for me.”

After a second of wondering I commended her, “Certainly ‘not yelling’ is good, but can you think of anything else?”

Wrinkling her face, she asked incredulously, “You mean like moving them to the dryer for her?”

Yes, it is hard to serve others. It is not in mankind’s nature to serve others. I battle this same selfish, self-centered thinking all the time and repeatedly miss the mark. I get my feet dirty trying to follow Jesus. Dirty feet remind me of another gold nugget favorite in John 13:1-17. Jesus washes his disciples’ feet.

Yes, there is gold in the Ancient Words...

Needs Versus Wants: Brown Bag or School Lunch?

2010-04-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

As our girls enter their teen years I am finding it ever more difficult to allocate our limited financial resources over the needs and wants of our family of four. Living on one income has always required rabid attention to thrift, ingenuity and the family budget but with teenagers in the mix budget negotiations resemble a UN Summit.

Take something as seemingly simple as the school lunch. Do you brown bag or buy? Mostly our girls have been home schooled. When they started Middle School last September I was faced with the decision of how to feed our daughters a nutritious mid-day meal. I learned that a full-price school lunch costs $2.75 per day. At first glance this doesn't seem extravagant, but with two kids and a 175 day school year the total cost for two kids comes to $962.50! Our average monthly grocery bill is about $450 so Nick and I opted for a budget allowing our two girls to eat school lunch perhaps one or two days week while packing a sack lunch on other days.

There was no grumbling at first because Margo and Madeline are inured to budget boundaries. Even as toddlers our kids did not receive unlimited financial resources, rather we would give them two quarters for the arcade, or ask them to choose only one item from the snack bar. The peer pressure to conform with more liberal spending policies mainly hit Nick and me. Our daughters were easily deflected by gentle reminders to be grateful for what God had provided to them, rather than coveting another child's good fortune. Moreover, scarcity of resources resulted in generosity to less fortunate playmates. How cool is that?

But it's trickier in Middle School to negotiate the mine field of needs versus wants. First, there is the teenage girl's nearly insatiable, and sometimes irrational desire to conform, to fit in and to be accepted. This herd mentality is very powerful. Since Madeline's one friend ate school lunch every day, Madeline did too, quickly over-drafting her lunch account and begging for a cash infusion. Her tales of woe tugged at my heart:

"My friend eats lunch every day; I can't wait in line and I can't save seats so I always have to eat alone on brown bag days. I want to be like my friends; I hate sandwiches;"

Clearly there was a deeper need than bodily hunger being filled by that $2.75 cafeteria meal. But I want to raise kids who save and spend wisely, so I stuck to my guns.

My first line of attack was to offer ideas for budget reductions in other areas thus enabling her to spend more on school lunches. No go. The idea of giving up sodas, cookies and movies quickly placed school lunches lower in priority. But her longing remained, and occasionally self-control gave way to further pleas which triggered deep emotional pain and confusion in me. What mother doesn't want to give her child the desires of her heart?

A fragment of Jesus' parable in Matthew 7:9-10 kept floating into my conscious:

Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

More and more I felt like my brown bag lunches were the stones and snakes. I prayed for courage to hold to our boundary. I asked the Father to give good gifts to my daughter. Not too long afterward, something beautiful happened.

Margo offered to turn her share of the school lunch budget over to Madeline. Perhaps suspecting I might veto it, Madeline looked at me with soulful eyes as she hugged her sister tightly. I bit back tears and said, "What a generous thing to do Margo." There are no longer cries of woe, even though Madeline still isn't able to buy her lunch every day. Somehow her sister's sacrifice filled up the place inside her.

What Margo did is true Christian charity--giving voluntarily from one's own resources to meet the needs of another. Charity blesses the giver while it also preaches God's Gospel of love, compassion, and generosity to the receiver and to those outside the faith. Service to others and voluntary pooling of resources out of love for God was a hallmark of the early Christian church, and it is to be the hallmark of every Christian family as well.

All the believers were together and had everything in common.Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Acts 2:44-45

Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else (2 Corinthians 9:13).

Following Jesus: A Dangerous Journey

2010-04-03T16:04:00.000-07:00

This morning I smiled as I watched Penny with her rawhide retriever stick.

Penny delights in her stick: She chews on it, carries it up the stairs and down, tosses it, throws it, growls at it, play bows and pounces it.

In a stroke of cleverness one morning, she hid it in her fleece and feigned searching for it for several seconds until with a flourish she pulled back the fleece with her teeth to reveal her prized stick underneath.

Penny plays with the pure joyful abandon of dogs and little children. I am delighted by Penny's antics.

Today, my delight in her playful antics brought to life what I was reading in the book of Zephaniah 3:14-20 in particular verse 17:

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."

I am LOVED by a God who is with me and is mighty to SAVE; A God who quiets my frantic heart with His LOVE and REJOICES over me with singing. It rather takes my breath away to picture God rejoicing over me with singing. God's greatest act of LOVE is being commemorated this week by Christians worldwide who will rejoice and celebrate Jesus Christ's resurrection on Easter morning. But not everyone knows God's love.

Praying down the list of my daughters' school friends my eyes were drawn to the name of one particularly troubled girl and I wondered, "Does she know God sees her pain and loves her? Does she feel God's delight in the playful romping of a puppy or the gossamer beauty of a rainbow." Probably not! Once, when asked to join my daughter at our Middle School Youth program, she retorted, "Church? I've tried that and there is no way I am going there again."

In coming to know this girl through her friendship with my daughter I have been yanked from the comfort of my safe religion where I invite people to church and they come or not. Instead I find myself following Jesus out into the world where people like this girl don't want my church, my Bible or my religion. What then can I give her?

Perhaps the best gift at this time is simply not rejecting her, but instead accepting her as a friend of my daughter's. This feels like a dangerous journey letting her close to my child, but if I truly believe what I say I do, how can I turn away?
Leeland--Follow Me from Love on the Move

Empty

2010-03-17T15:03:00.000-07:00

The two rules about supplies in our house seem simple yet are rarely followed. The first is "don't leave it empty" and the second is related to it, "if you use the last one write it on the shopping list." I facilitate considerate behavior by keeping supplies handy and pinning the shopping list on the kitchen cabinet, but compliance is the exception not the rule.

I ran the empty gauntlet this morning. First it was toilet paper. Later, putting away the groceries, I found the empty granola bar box in the pantry.

And after lunch, my all time favorite, the cleverly disguised empty. The box is in the pantry on the shelf, yet when you open it--empty!

This is particularly annoying because I rarely find out before I shop, rather while cooking I will discover that the sour cream container is basically empty, or that there are no cookies for lunches. I find it incomprehensible that anyone would actually slide the empty tray back in the box and put the box back in the pantry empty and yet it happens with some regularity in our house.

I think the reason the empties enrage me is that they are evidence of one person's inconsideration of the needs of others in our family. But Man's self-interest is not surprising to our Creator and there are many passages addressing it. One of my personal favorites is Philippians 2:3-4:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Paul exhorts me to be humble and to consider others. The kids hate rules, but the rules exist so that I can help them, and me do what doesn't come naturally--think of others and not just myself.

On days like today I wonder, are we getting any better at it?

Envy Lane

2010-03-10T14:04:00.000-08:00

Penny is afraid of yard service workers. She is fearful of their bulky and oddly shaped silhouettes as much as the whine of their equipment. On our walk today, the yard service workers were already out in force trimming the immaculate lawn of one house that sits near the path. Penny halted in fear jerking me from my reverie. I coaxed and dragged her to get her by.

Penny’s fear is terribly ironic because I secretly envy people with yard service. A thing I want is the thing Penny loathes. Moreover, I find I am confronted daily by Penny’s fear and my desire because so many houses where I now live have yard service.

I am ashamed of my envy because it is illogical. We could afford lawn service, we just choose not to because I don’t work and there are other, higher priorities. I am ashamed of my envy because I can’t break its grip on my heart. Honestly, it is embarrassing how many times I have confessed this sin, repented and turned back. I want to choose the narrow path, but somehow I keep coming back to Envy Lane. Why is that?

Back at home I looked up envy in the online dictionary. Envy: a painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage. Latin root of the word invidēre (on = non, vidēre = to see) or not seeing.

Yes the Latin root “not seeing” exactly captures the destructive force of envy in my heart this morning. So, what am I not seeing when I envy? I am not seeing what I already have that is good or beautiful or noble. I found the antidote for my envy is gratefulness.

What do you envy? What are you not seeing as a result?

Envy in the Bible.

Envy is one of the Seven Deadly Sins

Envy in psychology.

Negative Turns

2010-03-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

Unable to sleep last night because the tooth and jaw pain I have battled these last 4 months came back with a vengeance, I stayed up finishing Don Miller’s book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. He shares how his life changed dramatically once he began to view it and live it as if he were part of an epic story. It is his best book yet I think. I closed it and went back to bed vaguely disturbed by the idea that at least since Friday, I have not been living a good story. I have whined and worried and complained about the pain. Consequently, my family has not been living a good story either because the ripple effect from a mom’s bad attitude is like a tsunami to a small island; it rolls over leaving destruction and death in its path.

I got up this morning and got the dog and started walking. It was another glorious sunny day and as I set out I started praying for the Lord to heal me, again, and for good this time. The chapter on Negative Turns in Don’s book came back to me and got me to thinking about my situation. A negative turn in the story moves the protagonist away from his ambition. Certainly I was experiencing a negative turn. So what am I going to do next? Does my story just end here with constant pain in my tooth? Being a Christian what I asked myself was, is there a way I can use this for God that will make my story better?

What if I used the bouts of pain as a signal to stop and ask the Lord to show me someone or something to pray for? So I set out walking again and when the pain came I stopped and asked God, “Who should I pray for?” and then I prayed for His blessing on that person or in that situation. I missed church today because Penny and I were gone so long together walking and praying for people and situations that I never would have thought of on my own. Now it is the end of Sunday and I have been at this since about 8 AM this morning. It has been an amazing day.

Oh, I am not healed in my body, but my soul is renewed. I wrote a better story today by using my pain as a launch pad for asking a Holy loving God to intervene in the lives of people and situations that he brought to mind. Today I got to experience the promises of Isaiah 40. It was amazing:

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:30-31

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MBA Mom: SWOT Analysis

2010-02-18T12:23:00.000-08:00

I am amused by how often my MBA degree and business experience has proved useful in parenting our two daughters, now ages 13 and 11. I started staying home with our girls in 2001 when they were 5 and 3 years old. At first I ran our home like a business simply because that was what I knew how to do well. The softer side of parenting escaped me. But not for long. Kids are not widgets and being a loving mom I quickly modified my ways learning to respond to their needs not only armed with spreadsheet schedules and goals, but also with hugs and flexibility.

While I no longer chart our budget performance or track weekly nap averages (should I be embarrassed to admit I EVER did those things?) time and again I do turn to a strategic business planning tool, the SWOT Analysis. SWOT is an acronym for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats, and a SWOT Analysis lists a business's internal strengths and weaknesses and its external opportunities and threats. Strategic planners use the results to match the company's core resources and capabilities to the business and competitive environment in which it operates.

SWOT helps me intentionally stop to consider my child's strengths and weaknesses. Then I am able to coach her through her many external challenges and opportunities. From learning to use time wisely in First Grade, to navigating the social perils of Middle School and most recently choosing the right courses in High School, knowing my child's core strengths and weaknesses has aided me in helping her make choices that maximize her success. Now that she is a teen, she is ready to start doing this kind of thinking herself and I plan to give her to the tools to do so effectively.

I have found several keys to success as I have personally used this over the years.

First, be reasonable and realistic about her strengths and weaknesses. Ask teachers, coaches, Sunday school leaders or friends who know her well to tell you the one or two things that help her or hinder her within the context in which they know her.

Secondly, keep it simple and short! If you over-complicate things it won't help you or your child.

Lastly, revisit your matrix a few times a year or when external situations change dramatically. Our children grow and change. Perhaps what was once a weakness, like laziness, has now been brought under her control and harnessed to help her streamline her tasks. It is also good to revise when external factors change or new opportunities emerge. For example, the death of a family member or a best friend moving away can greatly impact your child. Likewise, emerging opportunities should be added such as a higher level sports team or the chance to enter a competition in an area of interest.

As parents, God calls us to care for and shepherd our children toward successful adulthood and SWOT analysis helps me do a better job.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

Silent Killers

2010-02-06T22:31:00.001-08:00

High blood pressure is known as the silent killer because it rarely presents symptoms until the inevitable stroke or heart attack strikes causing debilitating or even fatal consequences. Last week I got up close and personal evidence of the importance of keeping tabs on my blood pressure, which has historically been low. I was shocked to learn it is 140/70. If it consistently stays in this range I will officially be in Stage 1 hypertension.

Just a few days after my encounter with the blood pressure monitor I was reading along in Luke Chapter 12 where Jesus is teaching the people about covetousness. He ends his teaching with these words:

Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

I thought to myself, “I need a heart monitor to track where it is at all times so that I can keep my priorities straight.” It seems the sure way to a broken heart is to tie it to things that perish or don't last. In fact, Jesus started out the teaching telling his listeners “a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” I don't think he means we need to live monastic lives, we just need to be on guard against an unhealthy attachment to earthly belongings; wealth, status, beauty, youth or any other of the many things we humans treasure.

I see then that I have another silent killer inside--my selfish, self-serving heart. It is easily distracted by its own desires and builds treasure that is perishable. Case in point, a recent experience with my daughter.

Margo goes to high school in the fall. She can go to our neighborhood school or put in for the lottery at one of several options schools. Two of these offer outstanding programs of study in math and science, which dovetail nicely with her desire to be an engineer. I became very excited about one option in particular. I was attracted by the small close knit community of students and teachers and the excellent college preparatory curriculum.

Margo came to a different conclusion after she shadowed a student at each one and then visited our neighborhood school. I could see the writing on the wall and so I immediately began to plot ways to overcome her obvious resistance to attending the logical choice, The School of Science and Technology. When she told us her desires, I was literally heart broken. I cried for hours after dropping the girls at school.

After the tears dried I turned my attention back to formulating a plan for getting her to apply to SST. I floated a trial balloon that afternoon and the encounter ended with Margo stomping to her room as I yelled after her, “If you want to choose social opportunities and proms over academic excellence than it is my job as your parent to reset your priorities!” It is not one of my finer motherhood moments.

I still intended to fight her on this one but the Holy Spirit swooped in to save the day via the words of Jeremy Camp’s, Surrender.

Purify this tainted soul
I'm tired of living life a fool
Soften up this hardened clay
To be a servant, this I pray
A reflection of You, I long to be
So Your kingdom I will seek

I surrender to Your throne
Oh, I surrender to Your throne
And I will make my heart Your home…

What a miracle that we can choose to make our hearts home to the Lord. I have made my heart the Lord's home and the Father has given the Holy Spirit who knows my heart and counsels me gently and wisely molding me to become a reflection of Jesus Christ. He is my heart monitor.

Thinking about this beautiful mystery brought me to tears and to the place where I remembered that Margo is His child first and mine second. My heart was treasuring up bragging rights not considering the Lord's plan for her life.

Margo is going to our neighborhood school. I confess I did not experience a 100% turnaround. At first, all I could do was stand on the path. But as I have listened to her enthusiasm or overheard what she tells other adults in her life about her choice I have been able to take the first faltering steps forward on the path the Lord has set before me. Where my heart was full of unrest before it is now at peace.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. Jesus--John 14:27

God's Blooms are Worth the Wait

2010-01-09T18:51:00.000-08:00

Eight months ago I wrote When the Orchid Doesn't Bloom in which I shared how God used a gift orchid from Nick and a story in Scripture to help me see my marriage in a new light--His light. Guess what? My orchid has a bloom stalk!

How like God to send a bloom now as both encouragement and a sign of His great love and care. I sensed in the fall that Nick and I had turned a corner in our marriage. The bloom represents a sign to me that affirms my observation. We are on the road to a wonderful new season of marriage.

Since that morning last May when I saw that in longing for a bloom I was missing the beauty of the leaves that feed the plant, I decided to start looking for leaves in my marriage and leave the blooming to God. Instead of wanting better communication, I decided to work with the skills we had on hand. Instead of missing our old house, I decided to find things to love in our new one. I learned it really is a lot more fun to live in the present and work with what I have.

God designed the husband as spiritual head of the family. So instead of always battling for leadership more often I began to step back and be a helpmate. I let Nick have the last word [that hurt!] Instead of merely paying lip service to Nick's ideas I sought his advice and acted on it. It was NOT a fairy tale come true. I lapsed back into control mode more than a few times and battles ensued. But apologies were made and second chances granted.

And our marriage became more harmonious. We successfully worked as team to plan our vacation, get a puppy and host my mom for a month long visit. I wrote in Repotting Time about the very difficult decision to transplant our girls from homeschooling to public middle school. But we even navigated that without a fight of wills. And how are our girls doing?

They are blossoming. And so is the Christmas Cactus. It has continued to thrive in its new pot and at Christmas it sent out two blooms. How fitting one each for Margo and Madeline. But do you see that new bud hanging there? The plant is loaded with them and I expect a show of pink in the next day or so.

Waiting on the Lord's timing can be difficult, especially when the wait is measured in years or months, as mine have been. But the blooms that God sends are well worth the wait!

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" 1 Corinthians 2:9

Many times I have turned to the story of Sarai and Abram and the birth of Ishmael in Genesis 16. as a reminder that waiting on God can save a lot of heartache and pain.

Life Stories

2010-01-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day of a brand new year and a brand new decade. I have been picturing it as a a beautiful blank page ripe for a new story. I seem to think in stories a lot lately. For one thing, Madeline is learning all about the literary elements in school and over our break she is reading Heidi and wrestling with the basics: plot, protagonist, antagonist, conflict, denouement and resolution. It comes up often as she reads the book and seeks understanding.

Not only that, I am reading John Eldredge’s book, Waking the Dead. It is a veritable treasure trove of movie and literature story lines that he masterfully uses to make his points. Eldredge writes of myths:

Myth is a story, like a parable, that speaks of Eternal Truths. I am not using myth in a technical way, referring to ancient Greek mythology. I am using it more broadly, more inclusively, to mean “a story that brings you a glimpse of the eternal” or “any story that awakens your heart to the deep truths of life.”

I spent some time this morning looking back over the last 10 years, and stopping now and again to write down what came to mind. So I started way back when:

I was a working mom with two young children. I moved forward in time stopping now and again to make a journal entry. What came to mind most often was an event that ultimately led to a story. Sometimes there was a happy ending. In 2001, I realized my dream of being a stay-at-home wife and mother after losing my job to a merger. Within that big plot line, I found many subplots spanning the decade.

Some stories had unhappy endings . Like the time we all flew back to celebrate my cousin's 40th birthday at a family reunion. I experienced a deepening relationship with my uncle during the visit but the ending couldn't be changed and cancer prevailed ending his life too soon.

I finally made it to last night, 12/31/2009. Here we are:

Ten years have passed. I am about to turn 50. Margo is a 13-year-old teenager and Madeline at 11 is on the brink. What do I want in the coming years? What events might I expect and how do I see my story unfolding in their wake? The girls will finish high school and start college. How will their moving into adulthood impact my story? Near the end of the decade Nick and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage.

One thing I noticed about my life story both past and hoped for, is that it is predominantly about relationships with people. Instead of working toward my dream job, I want to know my husband better. I only have a short time left to influence my daughters before they fly the nest and I want to use the time wisely and love them deeply.

What do you want to see unfold in your life in 2010? In the next 5 or 10 years?

Coincidentally, just as I was putting the finishing touches on this, a local speaker and author I follow tweeted a link to his new Blog post titled: Living a Good Story, An Alternative to Resolutions. I took some time to read it and think about it before finishing this off. Don Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz and Looking for God Knows What) has given this idea of life stories a lot of thought. It is worth the read and perhaps will spark exactly the new idea that will help your 2010 be the best year ever.

So Friends, Happy Story Writing in the New Year, and in the decade to come.

Christmas Traditions: Who Moved My Advent Wreath!

2009-12-20T10:25:00.000-08:00

My favorite family tradition is using our Advent wreath in conjunction with a family devotion on each of the four Sundays in Advent culminating on Christmas Eve with the lighting of the white Christ candle in the center. My love for our Advent celebration is deeply rooted in my childhood.

I grew up in a small town and in a small church that was the focal point for my family's social and spiritual life. I especially loved the all church make-a-wreath potluck when we gathered to share a meal and decorate an Advent wreath on the Saturday evening before the start of Advent. I can still smell the tangy scent of greenery floating over the tantalizing fragrance of meatloaf, cheesy potatoes and hot coffee. At home, Mother would lead us in our weekly Advent devotion while my brother and I quarreled over whose turn it was to light or snuff the candles.

This morning, as I lit the fourth candle of Advent on our family wreath I was reminded again that my church has no Advent wreath this year. Yes, that is right, the traditional wreath has been usurped by hundreds of votive candles on tables located throughout the sanctuary. The entire congregation is invited to light a votive in anticipation and preparation for Christmas Eve and the celebration of Christ's birth. Who Moved my Advent Wreath!!

My irritation with the change has overshadowed my worship on each of the previous Sundays. Today, I wanted it to be different and so I confessed, "Lord I do not accept change gracefully and Mary's story in Luke Chapter 1 came to mind.

You know, the part where Mary is visited by the angel Gabriel who tells her, You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.

Talk about a change in plans! Instead of a marriage--a virgin birth! And yet Mary trusts and replies, "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said."

In that moment I realized Advent is not about the wreath, rather it is about remembering the first coming of Christ as a babe in Bethlehem and anticipating His second coming in the future. The very word "advent" comes from the root adventus the Latin term for "coming."

When I think about my childhood love of Advent the wreath is really secondary to the fellowship and the joining together of all our members to share a meal, sing carols and build our wreaths.

And so, I let go of the old and accepted the new. I joined the throng of congregants wending our way to the tables and I lit a votive. A great weight lifted from me as I returned to my seat. Sure, I still wish we had a wreath, but now I understand more clearly that the wreath is merely a tool to help me prepare my heart. And, the church really is beautiful with hundreds of votives pointing toward Jesus Christ, the Light of the World.

Christmas Ornaments Tell Stories of Love

2009-12-14T13:24:00.000-08:00

Margo's reindeer--1st Grade.

From my best friend, Christina.

From Cecilia McCleary, a neighbor.

Last week, Nick, Margo, Maddie and I popped some corn, frosted our fudge and gathered in the living room to decorate our Christmas tree. This is my favorite family tradition by far because each Christmas ornament has a story of love behind it that speaks into my heart and brings me joy. As we unwrap our ornaments we stop often to share a tale or two about the giver or the occasion.

We remember Nick's mountain biking days.

And his golfing.

And recall stories of Madeline's soccer feats.

I have precious hand-me-downs like these old fashioned beauties given to me by Nick's mom and which once adorned her tree when she was a new wife and mom.

I could go on, Nick and the kids and I have 150+ ornaments. Each one tells a story of love about the person who gave it to us and their love reminds me of God's love, which is the main message of Christmas.

Love came down at Christmas by Christina Rossetti (1885)

Love came down at Christmas,
Love all lovely, love divine;
Love was born at Christmas,
Star and angels gave the sign.

Worship we the Godhead,
Love incarnate, love divine;
Worship we our Jesus:
But wherewith for sacred sign?

Love shall be our token,
Love shall be yours and love be mine,
Love to God and to all men,
Love for plea and gift and sign.

Jars of Clay Love Came Down at Christmas

What a Coincidence!

2009-11-08T15:50:00.000-08:00

In late July, we decided to enroll the girls in our neighborhood school after 6 years of homeschooling. I added to my list of things to do, “find Moms in Touch Prayer group.” On August 3rd, I drove Madeline to Corbett, Oregon where she was meeting a friend to attend Trout Creek Bible Camp. While waiting in a mob of parents and children, I was introduced to the woman who leads the MIT group at our school. I thought, “What a coincidence.”

Not too long ago Madeline asked me, “How do you know that the voice in your heart is God’s and not Satan’s?” Shortly thereafter our youth pastor announced his new series of Wednesday night talks, titled Voices, which will focus on Satan and how he influences us. I thought, “What a coincidence!”

Webster’s defines coincidence as the occurrence of events that happen at the same time by accident but seem to have some connection. Coincidences have fascinated and confused me for years. As a statistician I have been trained that coincidences are explained by the laws of chance. But my Christian faith teaches me about God’s grace and his divine intervention in my life, and in the lives of people all over the world. These ordinary, seemingly unlikely events always seem to be happening to me. It can't be mere chance. There must be an element of the divine.

One last coincidence. This is the passage and study question for my Bible study in the Gospel of Luke:

Jesus Raises a Widow's Son (Luke 7:11-17)

11 Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. 12 As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. 13 When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, "Don't cry." 14 Then he went up and touched the coffin, and those carrying it stood still. He said, "Young man, I say to you, get up!" 15 The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother. 16 They were all filled with awe and praised God. "A great prophet has appeared among us," they said. "God has come to help his people." 17 This news about Jesus spread throughout Judea and the surrounding country.

Do verses 11 and 12 alter your idea of coincidence, and if so, in what way?

Who Has Inspired You?

2009-10-28T15:04:00.001-07:00

If my grandmother were alive today she would be on FaceBook. I know this because she rarely refused the opportunity to learn about or to try something new. She also loved people of all ages and maintained a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. My grandmother is at the far right in this last family photo taken in December 1989, just several months before her death.

One incident in particular captures the spirit of curiosity and mindfulness that characterized my grandmother in her later years.

In 1987 while attending graduate school I lived with my grandparents in the home they shared with my mother. Grandmother was intrigued by my new Apple Macintosh, which I had purchased just shortly before moving home from New Jersey to start school. I was hardly unpacked before she knocked on my door, entered and asked me, "What does it do? How do you use it?Will you teach me how to use it?"

I still remember the very first thing she typed up and printed by herself. It was a short note to Grandpa that said:

I love you Louis. I typed this on Kaye's thingamajig.
Love,
Lorraine

Grandpa was neither impressed nor curious but Grandmother was undaunted by his antagonism to the "newfangled stuff." And so she pressed on in her exploration.

By the time she passed away in 1990, at the age of 88 she was banking by telephone and using my Mac to keep her books balanced and type up her Ladies' League newsletters and correspondence.

In addition to embracing new technology my grandmother also maintained a wide circle of acquaintances of all ages, many far younger than she was. She enthusiastically set out to meet her new neighbors when they moved from the house into an apartment closer to their doctors and other services. Many afternoons when I visited I would find her out by the pool surrounded by people and kids of all ages. The young people loved her, while her peers worried, "She is going to get herself into trouble hanging out with those kids!"

Well, I am finally old enough to truly understand the value of her example. I often find myself wondering why my daughters love to text, or how others find Facebook so interesting and useful. But then I shake myself and remember that Grandmother showed me the way to grow old well is to remain curious about my world and to stay connected to the cultural and technological change going on around me by establishing friendships with people younger than me. I hope to do her legacy justice.

So, Margo can you show me one more time how to recommend someone as a friend on Facebook?

Every Good and Perfect Gift

2009-10-23T20:28:00.000-07:00

Penny's favorite chase game is what Nick dubbed, "I'm Gonna Get You!" To play, I grab a ball or toy and yell "I'm Gonna Get You!" while running toward Penny. It never fails that Penny jumps up to chase full speed ahead.

We were pretty evenly matched when she was just a few months old. I could usually get at least two laps around the lower level before she caught up to me. If she had the toy, I could almost always get it when she ran behind the coffee table because I could reach over it and grab Froggy from her jaws and set off in another direction.

But Penny has gotten faster and more agile as she grows up while I remain unchanged, which is to say slow and clumsy. A lot of the time Penny has Froggy the entire game until I either quit or get too winded to run.

But a funny thing started happening. I noticed Penny visably slowing down and making it easier for me to catch her and snatch Froggy from her jaws. And, once I had Froggy I couldn't help but see how obviously she was running around the long way instead of chasing directly behind me. Playing the game was so much more fun then just winning.

At first I thought it must be my imagination. But then it happened the next day and the next. Finally, just yesterday Penny not only continued to run more slowly and to give me a head start, but she also ran behind the coffee table slowing to a near standstill and shaking Froggy temptingly as if to say, "Okay, this is where you reach over and grab it."

Being sensible, and loving the game almost as much as my dog, I did just that. I reached over, grabbed the toy and ran off laughing with Penny in hot pursuit. When she caught up we tumbled breathless onto the carpet.

In that moment I felt the full force of my Creator's love for me in the unconditional love of this puppy who plays with me even if it means running more slowly, being less clever and making adjustments to let me "win" sometimes. Penny is a most precious gift.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17 (NIV)

...And He Will Give You the Desires of Your Heart

2009-10-13T09:37:00.001-07:00

So, on Friday I posted my online whine. I had a plan but it conflicted with my daughters' desires and so I decided at the time that the way I could "delight myself in the Lord" was to set aside what I wanted and love on my girls by honoring their desires.

That morning I grabbed hold of the promise of Psalm and claimed it in my prayers.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

My Creator's understanding of my innermost being means that His gifts are always so much bigger and better than anything I can imagine alone.

Delighting myself in the Lord on Friday morning meant following Jesus' lead and setting aside my own desires and serve my daughters. It turns out I really didn't have a clear idea of the desires of my heart, but by day's end, I had received far more than I ever imagined possible at the day's start.

I didn't get the Pumpkin Patch, but I did get fruitful extended time alone with God, fellowship with my girls and best of all the chance to teach and learn with Margo and Madeline. These are all things I have desperately missed since sending them off to school elsewhere.

When we homeschooled, I always let the girls sleep in and I used the early morning to spend time with the Lord. Since school started, however, I find myself rushing through a quiet time instead of lingering in the Word, meditating and praying. What a special morning I had on this day because the kids slept until 10 AM!

Refreshed from my time in the Word, I next got to reconnect with the girls as we cooked and ate a special breakfast together instead of a quick bowl of cereal. Whereas we often started our mornings in this fellowship when we homeschooled we rarely have time for it on weekdays.

The icing on the cake was being able to use my gifts of knowledge and teaching to assist the girls in some homework. Madeline had some math, which I love. Margo needed to get her historical biography of Samuel Adams underway. We all explored the library, hunted for resources and spent the afternoon curled on the sofa reading aloud and learning together about Samuel Adams' contribution to the founding of our Great Nation.

All in all it was a banner day for all three of us. When Nick got home from work he found happy people with red-faced cheeks and so much to share from our day.

Later, as I reflected on God's good gifts to me a passage from Psalm 81 came to mind:

You [Israel] shall have no foreign god among you;
you shall not bow down to an alien god.

I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt.
Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.

But my people would not listen to me;
Israel would not submit to me.

Let me remember that the simplest way to delight myself in the Lord is to turn to Him, open my mouth, and let Him fill it for me instead of trying to do it all myself.

Delight Yourself in the Lord

2009-10-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

A favorite fall tradition in our house is the annual trip to the pumpkin patch. Margo and Madeline have today off of school and since I miss spending my days teaching them and enjoying their company, I have had this plan in mind that we would enjoy our day together and go to the pumpkin patch this afternoon. But to my chagrin, they replied, "No Mom. We just want to sleep in and stay home."

I was crushed, and today the sadness lingers. You see, putting them into school this fall instead of homeschooling has created this vast empty space in my life. The Lord is leading me into new places to use this free time but the process is slow and the waiting is difficult for me. And I am lonely because I have been cut off from the homeschool friends and activities that used to fill my days.

The same is not true for my girls, whose situation is polar opposite. Their days are filled with new friends, new experiences and a boatload of schoolwork that is seldom finished when the bell rings at 4 PM.

Now, I could force them to bow to my plans, but that would be using my girls to fulfill my selfish desires at the expense of their own. Instead, reading in the Psalms this morning I see another option and that is choosing to rely on God to fulfill the desires of my heart.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

So, the girls are sleeping in and we will stay home today and I will focus on delighting myself in Jesus, my Lord and Savior.

Not One of Us

2009-10-04T13:52:00.000-07:00

Penny turned 6-months old last week. Seemingly overnight she now views people coming into our house as “not one of us” and barks at them obnoxiously. She is highly suspicious of all people, even those she has met before and sees often. I find myself extremely anxious about her behavior and we find her difficult to manage when friends come over or the FedEx guy delivers a package. I am told that the stage is navigated by careful management and consistent training on the part of the handler.

Since Aussies were born and bred to herd and protect livestock they have highly developed observational skills and are quite suspicious of new animals, people or objects entering their environment. Moreover, an Aussie tends to move toward the thing arousing its inner alarm bells. Their aim is twofold: scare off the intruder and alert their human. Apparently, these traits explode fullblown in adolescent Aussies. It is our job to teach her acceptable behavior.

After an especially challenging evening when Penny tested every boundary while friends visited I not surprisingly had a difficult time falling back to sleep when I awakened during the early morning. I have battled insomnia for some time now and during these night vigils I often listen to the Jesuit meditation and reflect on Scripture at PrayAsYouGo.com.

The Scripture passage was Luke 9:46-50:

An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest. Jesus, knowing their thoughts, took a little child and had him stand beside him. Then he said to them, "Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all—he is the greatest."

"Master," said John, "we saw a man driving out demons in your name and we tried to stop him, because he is not one of us." “Do not stop him," Jesus said, "for whoever is not against you is for you."

I chuckled when I got to the words, “we tried to stop him because he is not one of us.” Here I am trying to deal with Penny’s reaction to those who are “not one of us,” while in the passage Jesus is redirecting his disciples’ ambition and squashing their misguided attempt to keep outsiders from horning in on their group’s special mission. It made me look at my own life for a moment to see if I have become so preoccupied with my own status and comfort level that I am blind to the presence of God all around me.

The answer is yes. I have become preoccupied with the strong emotions brought forth by the parade of new people and situations that have come into our family life since the girls first started middle school four weeks ago. During this time I have often felt demoted, left out, and out of control as teachers, school chums and others speak into the lives of my children. Instead of the fulfillment of teaching our daughters, I face long empty days with only the dog for company.

I have been preoccupied by what I have lost, which has distracted me from wholly embracing the new experiences and people in my life that are gifts from Him. Just as I expect Penny to follow my lead in accepting and welcoming people into our home so I am to follow my Lord and trust in His leadership because He set my feet upon this new path, and I said, "Yes, Lord" but then didn't keep my eyes on Him.

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in
your presence…Psalm 16: 11

Repotting Time

2009-08-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

This pathetic thing is a Christmas cactus that my father-in-law’s cousin, Lynette gave to me one year. Lynette grew it from a cutting of her Christmas cactus, which in turn had come from a cutting off the family heirloom Christmas cactus. I have kept it in its original pot for many years, but this past Christmas another family member posted a picture of their Christmas cactus, also from the same heirloom plant and I thought, “Wow! They grow that big and bloom that much?” I saw my plant with new eyes and I vowed to repot it in the springtime.

Margo repotted it for me in late March. In just three short months it took off and nearly tripled in size. One morning as I was praying and reading in my quiet-time place I really looked at it and marveled at how repotting the plant had energized it and renewed its growth and beauty. I prayed, “Lord, what in my life right now could use a repotting time?”

Margo and Madeline came to mind at once. Puzzled, I sat quietly for a long time looking upon my plant and pondering God’s message that transplanting our daughters would help them to grow strong roots, deep roots, roots that will support them in the next season of their journey to adulthood. I went to Nick and I shared my experience and I asked him, “Do you see what this might mean? What are the larger pot and the new soil?”

With no hesitation, he answered, “We could put them in the middle school.” Not liking this answer, I smiled and put my hand on his arm before turning and filling my coffee cup.

I did not willingly or quickly accept God’s plan. Instead, I explored every combination of “soil” and “pot size” for educating our daughters, except public school. I often cried out to the Lord during these weeks; “Won’t this be hard on me? Can’t we leave things the same?” Memories flooded my mind as I looked back over our six years homeschooling. These were good years! How could the Lord tell me now that they had been too long in the same pot?

Looking back, I see that the Lord was transplanting me, but I clung to the past and feared the future rather than trusting the Lord’s new plan for educating our daughters.

Each morning in my quiet place I observed the renewed health and beauty of my Christmas cactus, and gradually I came to desire this same beauty and new growth for my girls. The Lord changed my heart as I meditated on His Word and watched my plant continue to grow and change as the weeks passed. I want my girls to thrive not whither from being too long in the same pot.

I still have days of despair and worry for myself, but when this happens I turn my eyes back the Lord and I trust the Supreme Gardener. I remember that He has not abandoned me, and I am always in His right hand. The Master Gardener will bring forth His fruit in His time and in His manner. These verses have sustained me as I wait patiently to see how the Lord will work in my life, and in the lives of my girls during this next year and beyond.

John 15:1-2 "I [Jesus] am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”

Psalm 63:7-8 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

Spiritual Lessons from my Puppy #2: Watch Me!

2009-07-26T15:25:00.000-07:00

“Watch me!” is a command that tells my puppy to take her eyes off of her own business and pay attention to me, her leader. With her eyes on me, she cannot be distracted by other things in her surroundings that might take her mind off of me and what she is supposed to be doing.

Penny quickly grasped the idea of “Watch me,” but she did not accept her followership easily. At first, virtually everything distracted her. It was comical to see us walk around the block. She would mulishly plant herself and refuse to move forward until I lured her eyes to my face with a tasty treat and a cheerful “Watch me,” at which point she would walk a few steps, stop and repeat. While it was laborious going away from home, once we turned the corner Penny wanted to dash for home darting to the end of her leash and twisting and fighting her collar like a marlin on a hook. I would repeat “Watch me,” coax her back to my side. Start again--dash, coax, and repeat.

I tend to be impatient and critical. Yet in these past weeks I have seen myself be both patient and positive. When Penny flails against her leash in fear, overwhelming compassion has fueled me with uncommon patience. Where normally I see only faults, with Penny I have actively set her up for success just to be able to praise her,” Yes, Penny good dog.” Why? To get the rush, of course. Penny's whole body vibrates joy out to me like a huge cosmic hug when she hears my voice or sees me smile.

Reading in Scripture a few days back I found a glimpse of God’s great love for His people in Zephaniah 3:17:

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Joy vibrated from my inner self at the idea that my Heavenly Father delights in me and desires to rejoice over me with singing. Now, Penny is far better than I am at keeping her eyes on her leader. Except for high-level distractions, I rarely need to remind her to watch me. I on the other hand, seem easily distracted by the worries of this world.

Penny is a living reminder to me that I focus my attention on my leader, follow where He leads and return quickly when He whispers, "Kaye, watch me."

Reflections:
How does God say "watch me" and get my attention back on Him?

What keeps me from hearing His command when my attention wanders, “Kaye, watch me?”

How does He praise me and tell me, "Well done good and faithful servant?"

Scripture:

Joel 2:13 Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.

John 10:27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

Psalm 16:11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Spiritual Lessons from my Puppy: Dig at the Beach

2009-07-20T20:55:00.000-07:00

Our family spontaneously adopted a 10-week-old puppy while vacationing in Arizona with Nick's family. I held out for weeks, but something happened that changed my heart and convinced me to say "yes" to the Lord's gift of this puppy. Since arriving back home on June 1st I have come to see that the Lord has many lessons to teach me through raising this pup.

Lesson #1: Dig at the Beach. Penny lives in the present moment. She quickly forgets the past. She does not worry about the future. Whatever the day brings, whether it is eating, or sleeping or discovering the joys of a sandy beach, Penny dives into it with gusto. She reminds me to live in the moment.

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. Ecclesiastes 9:10

Obviously, Blogging is Not for Me

2009-06-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

While I write extensively in my journals I find this season of my life does not seem to be a time for sharing in a blog. So, I am doing something I seldom do. I am letting it go for now. Perhaps if the Lord has something for me to share, I will write it here, but for now...this is not a time for blogging.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

When the Orchid Doesn't Bloom

2009-05-05T22:19:00.001-07:00

I have an orchid Nick gave me on our 11th anniversary, which we celebrated April 16, 2005. This was shortly after we started our marriage counseling, and rather quickly, I latched onto it as symbol of our marriage and the work that we were beginning together. I kept it by my quiet time retreat, where I could see it every morning as I prayed and read my Bible.

The orchid has been the perfect object lesson for me. Orchids are slow-growing, require an exacting set of environmental conditions for healthy growth and are very sensitive to changes in their environment. They die rather quickly when the environment becomes unhealthy, so it takes time and attention to raise orchids. And, as I learned in counseling, it takes focused effort, time and attention to grow and maintain a good marriage.

All that spring and summer of 2005 the orchid bloom represented hope and a future during the very difficult and hard work of marriage counseling. I was astounded at how long the bloom stayed strong and beautiful, but in the late summer the bloom began to wither. Finally, I had to remove it, just about the time we graduated from marriage counseling.

So began a period of fertilizing, watering, and caring for both my orchid and my marriage.
The orchid did not bloom in 2006.
The orchid did not bloom in 2007.
The orchid did not bloom in 2008.
It still showed no signs of blooming the morning of our 15th anniversary, April 16, 2009 as I sat down in my retreat place to pray. I put on the soundtrack from The Passion, and looked over at the orchid. I noticed at once that I had a peace in my heart about it that had been lacking in prior years. I wasn’t angry or discouraged for once. What could this mean?

My Bible passage for the morning was Acts Chapter 9, the story of Saul’s conversion on the Damascus Road. Saul has encountered the risen Jesus in a blinding flash of light on the road. The men he is traveling with have been rendered speechless, as they assist Saul to his feet and lead him into the city for Saul opened his eyes, but could not see.

The story continues in Acts 9:9, 17 and 18:

For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.[…] Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, "Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, and he could see again.

What caught my attention were the words, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes and he could see again. I prayed, “Lord what is it you need to me to see this morning?”

I have desperately prayed for my orchid to bloom again, yet year after year it does not bloom. On this morning as I prayed something like scales fell away from my eyes and I saw my orchid as if for the first time. And through it, I saw my marriage in a new light.

The tallest set of inner leaves that first budded in 2006 had grown from the size of my thumbnail into tall, deep green, glossy leaves. Nestled underneath a pair from the spring of 2007, and underneath those tucked toward the back was the most recent pair from 2008. How could I have missed their beauty all these years? My longing for the orchid bloom blinded me to the beauty of the leaves.

Until that morning, I think a part of me believed that the orchid not blooming represented failure. Now I see with new eyes. The orchid plant directed its energy to the leaves and roots rather than to producing a bloom. In the same way these past four years, Nick and I have directed our energy to the roots and leaves that will sustain our marriage and build a storehouse of reserves from which we may one day send forth an orchid bloom.

I have a new appreciation for my orchid and my marriage. A bloom would be lovely, and I pray that we may yet have one. But if it never blooms again, that is okay too. The orchid will always be beautiful in my eyes for its sturdy leaves represent so much progress that I had failed to appreciate. Nick and I are beautiful together in God’s eyes, bloom or not, until death do us part.

Not too long after this experience, as I read Habakkuk for my Bible study, I came upon this beautiful poem of praise and trust in the Lord during times of drought and trial.

Habakkuk 3:17-19:
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.

It's Not What You Know, It's What You Do With It

2009-05-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

'When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the alien. I am the LORD your God.”Leviticus 19:9-10

Most weekday mornings the kids and I gather around our kitchen table to eat breakfast and read the newspaper together. Nick joins in on weekend mornings. Each with his own section, we read alone and then share aloud those tidbits that have touched our hearts that morning. [Yes, I know we buck recent trends away from printed newspapers.]

I chose to share this with my girls because it demonstrates knowledge put into action based upon faith. I often tell myself and my girls, “It is better to know one thing Jesus asks of his followers, and do it daily than it is to have full knowledge without action.”

Yet this is the very place that I often fall short. You see, it is so much easier to say what you know about Jesus and his commands, than it is to show what you know by doing it. Yet showing my faith makes all the difference in the world.

“If you love me, you will obey what I command.” [John 14:15]

Fables Are Not Just for Kids

2009-04-14T12:39:00.000-07:00

The unexamined life is not worth living.

Socrates, in Plato, Dialogues, Apology

I was reminded recently that fables aren’t just for children, although that may be a common notion. Do you see many adults carrying around Milo Winter’s The Aesop for Children unless they are teachers or parents? But fables are not just for kids because young and old alike we share a basic human nature. The fable leads us to examine ourselves by gently bringing to light the many human passions and motives that war within our hearts.

Aesop, a Greek man living in the Sixth Century BC, is generally considered the father of the fable. Scholars may debate if Aesop was man or myth; either way some 600 fables are attributed to him. These were passed down through oral tradition for centuries before scholars compiled them into written collections. The fable has risen and fallen in favor throughout the centuries, but experienced a revival in Western culture at the end of the 13th century as the Italian Renaissance commenced. Today, compilations and translations of Aesop’s fables are found in libraries around the world.

Fables are not only on our bookshelves, but also woven into Western language in the form of everyday expressions. The gal who artfully claims “I wouldn’t have taken that job anyway,” is “sour grapes.” And in the staff meeting, we tune out the latest crisis of that guy who always “cries wolf.” To the arrogant we urge humility for, “You may be swift, but slow and steady wins the race.”

Fables have endured because they are brilliantly constructed to suit their purpose, which is moral instruction. Like the tale, the fable tells a good story. Like the parable, a fable includes moral teaching. What makes the fable unique is that the moral teaching is conveyed through the humorous antics and interplay of a cast of charming animal characters.

Each animal retains its special feature, hare is fast, owl is wise, and fox is crafty. But the animals act like humans and so display the passions and motives of mankind. Listeners are charmed into rooting for the noble, virtuous and praiseworthy, while piqued to outrage for the ignoble, impure and unworthy.

I find that the fables I loved, or despised in my youth sometimes pop to life in my mind at exactly the time I need to revisit a particular moral lesson. Why just the other day I received a visit from Hare and Tortoise while I was taking my morning walk.

A young woman ran passed me, which is not at all unusual. What was unusual is that I soon caught up with her and passed her by while she was walking. She and I became engaged in a sort of race and that is when Hare and Tortoise appeared.

The young girl (Hare) alternated running with walking. She would pass me at a run, and then slow to a walk, and alternate. All the while I (Tortoise) maintained my fast and steady pace catching up when she walked and falling behind when she ran. I didn’t expect the dance to last, but surprisingly we stayed engaged until our routes diverged at the hill. I was even in the lead by a hair just as she veered left and I veered right.

I felt short-lived glee, “You may be younger and fleet, but slow and steady didn’t do too bad, honey!” followed by caustic chagrin at my childish vanity. It took me only a heartbeat to realize that the only reason I kept up was because she is in training. Fully conditioned, her “fast and steady” will always beat my “slow and steady.” Hmm, so I need a Tortoise solution; I am already working at maximum capacity, so to change my outcome I need a new strategy.

Through the imagined actions and interplay of Hare and Tortoise I was able to explore the many emotions this encounter spurred within me. I was surprised by what I found, but I was not put off because with the fable the teacher is veiled rather than in my face, poking my chest to make his point known.

Maybe what I learned that day will make it into a future series: On the Road to AARP with Hare and Tortoise. The potential blog titles are just so tempting:

Don’t be a Tortoise in Hare’s Clothing; Find New Hare; Rev Your Tortoise.

Series or not, for today I hope that I have persuaded you to revisit the fable as a delightful tool for examining your own life in whatever season you find yourself. I have appended several good Web links to get you started.

Remember, a fable a day prevents moral decay!

Several flash animated fables by Tom Lynch.

http://us.penguingroup.com/static/packages/us/yreaders/aesop/index.html

Collection by Milo Winter, The Aesop for Young People.

http://www.mainlesson.com/display.php?author=winter&book=aesop&story=_contents

Jataka Tales by Ellen C. Babbitt 18 fables from India.

http://www.mainlesson.com/display.php?author=babbitt&book=jataka&story=_contents

West African Folk Tales by William H. Barker.

http://www.gatewaytotheclassics.com/display.php?redir=Y&author=barker&book=folktales&story=_contents

Afraid, Yet Filled with Joy

2009-04-12T19:39:00.000-07:00

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples
Matthew 28:5-8

Courage to Say My Word

2009-03-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for." Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Isaiah 6:6-8

I wish I could say that when God calls, I, like the prophet Isaiah answer, “Send me!” More often, the story goes something like what happened this morning at church:

Our worship leader, Jay asked us to step outside our comfort zone. My skin prickled. This never bodes well for introverts such as me. He said, “This room is big and it can be hard to feel like we are a family. I want to try something that may make it seem smaller, more intimate. I want you to share a part of your story by standing and saying a word that describes God for you right now.”

To my horror, God placed a word in my mouth. The very idea of standing up in our church of 500 to shout out my word filled me with panic. So I sat rooted in my seat. But my heart pounded and my palms got sweaty. I felt Jesus there wanting me to just stand and say my word. Instead, I prayed “Please have someone else say my word.”

One after another courageous people stood and shared marvelous attributes of a loving God:

Strong, Patient, Merciful, Provider, Almighty, Loving, Just, Consistent, Faithful…

On and on, but not one person said my word. And, my word burned in my mouth with a heat as hot as the coal from the altar that the seraph touched to Isaiah’s lips. My heart sank, and I realized I either had to find the courage to say my word, or accept that it would be left unsaid.

I waited, and the word burned in my mouth and images flashed through my mind so that I couldn’t leave my word for God unspoken. I gulped, and I stood, and in turn I said my word:

“Father.”

Of course, being a quiet person, I didn’t shout it out. So Jay had to ask, “What?!”

“Father!” I repeated, remembering to speak from my diaphragm.

Sitting down I felt faint and a bit light headed, but then this electric pulse coursed down my veins. I hadn’t let my fear hold me back. I also reaped the peace that only God can bring. In this simple act of obedience in an admittedly small matter, my obedience reconnected my heart to the source of life, my Heavenly Father.

I thought of my personal struggle with father-hunger in the wake of my parents’ divorce many years ago. I thought of its insatiable drive and the inner almost unconscious longing I searched to fill. It had reached tsunami proportions by my teen years, but I was fortunate to have a mom who prayed for me and directed my hungry heart to the Lord for sustenance. God rescued me and loved me. Can the Lord use my life story to draw another near to Him?

All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (The Message)

God does use our stories to help others going through a similar struggle. Will He use mine? I guess I will find out soon enough! God always sends Kingdom work to the one who trusts and says, “Send me!”

*******

Make your own word clouds from blog posts, the Bible, your Twitter stream. It's cool! http://www.wordle.net/

Hot Flashes: A Refiner's Fire?

2009-03-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

For the third time in as many days I awoke at 2:30 AM overheated and drenched in sweat. Knowing it would be at least several hours before I would be able to return to sleep, I stayed in bed a moment longer praying, "Help me, Lord."

Two words popped to mind--"refiner's fire," and they stayed with me as I got up and went through the now familiar routine that helps me cool off and get back to sleep. The words pressed on me until finally I cracked open my Bible to find refiner's fire.

"See, I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come," says the LORD Almighty. But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner's fire or a launderer's soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness, and the offerings of Judah and Jerusalem will be acceptable to the LORD, as in days gone by, as in former years. Malachi 3:1-4

I sat with this image of God as a refiner's fire. A blast furnace uses high temperatures to burn away the impurities in ore to extract the pure metal. I know quite a bit about this not only because my Uncle Mitch worked for Laclede Steel, but also because the kids and I are learning about the advent of metal refining in ancient times.

Malachi says God is a refiner's fire. God is like a blast furnace fire--hot, dangerous, and close. Just as the refiner's fire burns away the impurities leaving pure metal, so God burns away man's imperfections so only that which is pure and acceptable remains in the presence of a Holy God.

How in the world am I to make sense of this? Hot flashes a refining fire? Burning away what--my womanhood? My identity? My youth? Everything I am is burning away in these fires of middle age. I wept angry tears. But, after the tears, it hit me that iron ore is useless until it is refined and the impurities are removed. Pure metal emerges from the heat of the furnace.

Yes, I am older. I am heavier. I am grayer. I forget things. I talk way too much. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like I have forgotten how to dance, or if not that then I must now have two left feet. But, what if the message my body is whispering to my soul is not about what I am losing, but what I have to look forward to in the next life stage? It is human to grieve loss. But God gives hope in times of uncertainty.

What if I were to let God help me look beyond the fire to the purified metal? Who will I be when the girls are gone? Are there dreams I have put on hold that should be resurrected? How will losing the shared focus of our children change my marriage? Then I thought of Moses when he approached the Lord in the burning bush:

"Do not come any closer," God said. "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." Exodus 3:5

Perhaps the fire in my body is a reminder that I am standing on holy ground before my Creator who loves me and is preparing me for the next stage of womanhood. I do not walk this path alone. Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior walks with me and he has promised to never leave me:

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20b

Walking Back to the Entrance

2009-03-07T11:28:00.000-08:00

These past 18 months have been very difficult and I have been anxious, sometimes debilitating depressed and almost always indecisive. Seemingly simple decisions fill me with anxiety and insomnia has left me exhausted, haggard, and confused. I have flailed for relief, and demanded explanations. At one point I sought counseling. At all times I have prayed, yet God has been silent.

Clarity came unexpectedly when I let my mind wander into the Bible scene I was reading in Leviticus chapter 8:

“You must stay at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting day and night for seven days and do what the LORD requires, so you will not die; for that is what I have been commanded." So Aaron and his sons did everything the LORD commanded through Moses. Leviticus 8:35-36

The thing that came to mind at once was, “What?! Stay at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting for seven days and nights doing what the LORD requires? Or die?” I found myself weaseling. “Moses, what exactly does God mean by ‘the entrance?’ What does he mean by ‘die’? Is this spiritual or physical death? Do I have to stay right here, just outside the curtain into the Holy Place, or does anyplace here in the courtyard count?”

I found myself worrying, “What if I have to go to the bathroom? Where do I sleep? What if I’m thirsty? What if I get bored? What if I’m cold? What if I forget what the Lord requires? Heck, do I know what the Lord requires?”

Clearly, Aaron and his sons being required to stay at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting aroused great anxiety within me. What’s up with that? I mean, apparently Aaron and his sons had no problem with this, but rather they “did everything the Lord commanded.”

So I asked myself, “Where has the Lord asked me to stay? Have I stayed there? How do I feel about it?” Ouch! The answers are home schooling; not exactly; I feel trapped.

Looking back over the decisions made this past 18 months I see a staggering drunk walking the line for the traffic cop. Unsteady mincing steps, then an off-balance lurch one way, followed by overcorrection the other. No footstep ever exactly on the line. No straight path.

When did this happen? How do I fix it? I love that Jesus often gives me simple, direct and clear instructions.

Is it that easy? I asked. “All I have to do is, ‘Say I’m sorry, please forgive me, and then walk back to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting?’”

Yes, it’s that easy! Christus gratiam dat—Christ gives grace. No matter how far I have wandered, I can turn and come back to the place where He is and have life, life to the fullest. There is always time for a fresh start following Jesus.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10b

I am back at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. What's next?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Instead of succumbing to the urge to just check out that private school, or switch to a new math curriculum, or try another teaching method, I will try these steps instead:

List my worries and present them to the Lord.

List everything I can think of that God has done to provide for my needs, and thank Him.

Ask God for the peace that transcends my strong need to understand, so that I can trust in His plan as I “do everything the Lord has commanded.”

All parenting, which includes the choice of how to educate our children, is chock full of unknowns. This promise of peace in the midst of not understanding is worth far more than knowledge.

Fat Jeans and Grace

2009-02-22T10:57:00.000-08:00

This morning, I had to put on my fat jeans because my favorite green jeans were uncomfortably tight when I zipped them. Middle age is not at all what I imagined it would be. The hot flashes, the poor sleep, insomnia, hair loss, and worst of all the weight gain.

I know in my head that the Lord loves me for my heart and not my pant size. But it is so hard not to let my heart get clogged with the discouragement and guilt that accompany the wearing of my fat jeans. I went to my God time feeling miserable and distracted, but then Solomon's book of Proverbs gave me the idea for a new way to give grace to myself in the area of my weight:

Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18

I see in this saying that the words I use to talk to myself can either cut like a sword or bring healing. Why not give myself some grace here? Afterall, I am working out and eating right in my battle to counteract the middle-age hormone weight gain. Does it really help to cut myself down?

Starting today, I can be wise and bring healing: these are just jeans.

Grace is...

2009-02-16T17:35:00.001-08:00

when I side swipe the van while backing our Prius out of the garage and I tell Nick, and he hugs me tightly and says, "It's OK. They are just cars."

Ariadne's Thread and Facebook

2009-02-02T10:57:00.000-08:00

“Ariadne’s thread” comes from Greek legend and refers to the ball of string that Ariadne gives to the hero, Theseus so that he can find his way back out of the Minoan Labyrinth on Crete. Theseus ties one end of the thread to the entrance of the Labyrinth, enters, kills the Minotaur and follows the slender thread back outside to Ariadne.

Having recently studied this legend with the girls in our homeschool, of course it is top of mind. Strictly speaking, this is not a perfect analogy, but using the image of Ariadne’s Thread, follow me into the Labyrinth of social networking site, Facebook.

December 2008 I begin exploring the implications of God’s grace in my life.
I find and begin reading What’s So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey.
I launch my blog Christus gratium dat—Christ gives grace—where I will write about my journey.
I join Facebook and begin to find friends.
I see that my friend Andrea is now a fan of Anne Lamott on 1/21/2009.
I decide to find out about Anne Lamott, whose name is vaguely familiar.
I am at first appalled by Ms. Lamott’s strident political pen, but Ms. Lamott has written a book titled, Grace (Eventually).
The feeling is quite strong that I must read this book despite reservations.
I stick with Grace (Eventually) out of loyalty to Andrea and extreme curiosity to see if there is at least one essay that does not blame a prominent Republican for a national or world disaster. I find two out of 23.
I keep reading to the end, realizing at some point Ms. Lamott and I are very alike despite our political opposition. We both need grace desperately. We both fail miserably and often, especially in the area of politics.
I see that Nick signed up to attend our church’s men’s conference and the speaker is author Donald Miller.
I read Donald Miller’s book Blue Like Jazz in April 2007, and I dig it out of the dusty box so that Nick can read it before the retreat.
I open it and read a bit. “Hmm this seems a lot like Anne Lamott.
I turn the book over and read the list of testimonials for Blue Like Jazz. Astonishing! I read: “Think of Donald Miller as…Anne Lamott with testosterone, and this fresh memoir-like collection of essays as his versuin of Traveling Mercies. Miller’s words will resonate with any believer who has ever grappled with the paradoxes of faith.”—Christianity Today.
And, back out to our anchor point, chapter 7 Grace: The Beggars' Kingdom, page 79 in Blue Like Jazz.

Pretty cool, huh?

My Friend Joe and Treasure in Heaven

2009-01-27T10:52:00.000-08:00

Joe , a friend and mentor who had a tremendous influence on me when I was a young person, passed away earlier this month. Even though I have expected this call for some time, it was shocking nonetheless, and I am still saddened that I can no longer look forward to one of his cards or letters.

This is Joe at my apartment in February 1984. We both worked as chemists at E.R. Squibb and Sons in Princeton, New Jersey. He enjoyed a few close friends his own age, and he had a brother and family. He also had a heart for young people, for which I am eternally grateful. Every twenty-year-old upstart testing her wings and making dumb decisions needs a mentor like him in her life.

Joe was a gracious and kind man. He didn't judge any of us "kids" when we goofed up he would just help. For example, we got paid once monthly and almost all of us 20-ishers had a hard time with this. He would just smile, like in the photo, and say, "Kaye, Kaye, Kaye..." Then he would lend me, or whoever money to get to the end of the month, and invite us over for a budget training session. At least twice a month he would host a gaggle of us over to eat a meal and hang out. He told us, "You kids keep me young."

He told us about his hobbies and passions, and he was interested in ours. He introduced many of us to classical music which he played on his state of the art Bang and Olufsen sound system. Then he would put on one of our albums and listen to our music with us. CDs came out about then, and he was the first among us to adopt the new CD player. He was also the only one who could afford a CD back then!

Joe and his friends called themselves the "Oldtimers" because they had been in the business for years--before OSHA. Joe believed that walking after lunch improved digestion and he made us go with him. He and another Oldtimer, Spitz, would take us out around the Squibb pond to walk around the oval. He and Spitz, walked and talked and shared their life experiences with us.

Besides the Oldtimers, there were the "others." This group avoided us most days, and if they interacted with us at all it was to admonish us for our sloppiness, the short skirts on the girls, and long hair on the guys. Joe didn't do that. He treated us like fellow adults.

Joe taught me about sound finances and how to save and spend wisely. He also taught me how to invest relationally in the lives of people that come into my life. Joe knew about building treasure in heaven.

I think it was a wise investment for him. He often told me I enriched his life, and I know he made me a better person. And, he lives on in my heart and in the stories I tell about him. This in itself is a kind of eternal life on earth. I know I will see him again when God calls me home. And I will be happy to be reunited then.

In the meantime I work to stay on top of new technology, so I am on Facebook and Twitter. I spend time with my daughter and her friends lending an ear or a hand up, when asked. I listen to their music, their ideas and their dreams. I do these things in honor of Joe and others like him who through their example taught me the value of building treasure in heaven by investing in the lives of young people.

Packing Wisely: Be kind and Share

2009-01-19T09:37:00.000-08:00

In keeping with my earlier post about building treasure in heaven, the first bit of wisdom about what to pack comes from my children. In January 2004, we were in our first year of homeschooling and we memorized Matthew 6:19-20. The girls made a poster of our family’s “Heavenly Treasure Chest” and hung it in our downstairs hallway.

Here is how it was explained to me by Margo, “Our plan is to build treasure in heaven through being kind to each other and sharing our toys. I don’t like to share, but when I do share with Madeline, she will give me a jewel in our treasure chest. Madeline will get jewels from me when she practices being gentle and kind, which is hard for her right now. See how it works, Mom?”

The chest started out empty, and this is what it looked like at the end of the first week:

By sharing, giving to each other and being kind, my girls built up jewels in their heavenly treasure chest. There was lots of good will in our home during the time we had our poster in the hallway. Toys break or get lost and don’t last forever, but the love we see in the eyes of the one we share our toy with is priceless.

Paul words it this way in his letter to Timothy:

Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. [1 Timothy 6:18-19]

"Death Helps Me Make the Big Choices," Steve Jobs, CEO Apple Computer

2009-01-16T07:27:00.000-08:00

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. (Steve Jobs, Reported Wall Street Journal, 1/15/2009)

I admire Steve Jobs. He made the front page of the Wall Street Journal on Thursday, 1/15 when he announced a 5 month medical leave from Apple. He said, "Unfortunately, the curiosity over my personal health continues to be a distraction not only for me and my family, but everyone else at Apple as well."

When I bought my Apple Mac through my employer's discount plan in October 1986, he had already been ousted from Apple. I encountered Apple and Steve Jobs as a case study in my MBA program around 1987-1988. His story made an impression on me, and by then his Mac had left its mark on me; I was the hero of my MBA class because I was the only one with access to a PC outside of the limited Mac Labs with lines a mile long.

The above quote was reported in the article and, comes from his June 2005 commencement speech to the graduating class of Stanford University.

Unlike the fictional Will Cooper, Steve Jobs has been a man of his times, and has achieved both material success as well as spiritual maturity on his life's journey. He is still a man to emulate.

Journey to the Nightland: What’s in my Suitcase?

2009-01-10T15:37:00.000-08:00

After I finished reading Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier, a few quotes really stayed with me. I meet Will Cooper in his advanced old age as he begins to tell the story of his life as an adoptee of the Cherokee Chief Bear.

“I am leaving soon for the Nightland, where all the ghosts of men and animals yearn to travel. We’re called to it. I feel it pulling at me, same as everyone else. It is the last unmapped country, and a dark way getting there. A sorrowful path. And maybe not exactly Paradise at the other end. “(Will Cooper, Thirteen Moons, page 1)

“Yes,” I think, “life is a journey to the Nightland. Hmm, what am I packing in my suitcase?”

The fictional Will Cooper lives a full and varied life, but he occasionally seems to be doing things in his life that do not have the end in mind. Have you ever done that? Arrived at your destination having packed all the wrong clothes? I have. Well, I don’t want to end up ready to leave for the most important trip of my life only to find I packed all the wrong things.

Despite living a full life of achievment, Will lived an empty life and he ended up alone:

“I have gotten the railway I once wanted so badly. And what has it brought? The ravages of tourists and logging. And what has it taken away? Everything else.”(Will Cooper, Thirteen Moons, p. 418.)

I got around to journaling some of this in a draft blog. I logged on yesterday to add to it, and surprise! The daily Bible verse is Jesus teaching his followers about what to pack during this life journey to death.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21)

Jesus says the only stuff that matters is the stuff I can take with me— treasures in heaven. The way I invest my time, my money and my love determines what gets packed into my spiritual suitcase for the journey to the Nightland.

I think I’ll be spending a bit more time in the coming weeks looking into what I have packed to date. But more importantly, for however many more days of life the Lord gives me, I want to pack wisely and with Heaven in mind.

The world and its desires will pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. (1 John 2:17)
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:1)

White as Snow!

2008-12-30T08:44:00.000-08:00

"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD."Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." Isaiah 1:18 (NIV)

I love snow! Nick took this picture last week after the worst of our Arctic Blast storms ended, and we could chain up and get out of our house. The girls were amazed by the beauty of the pristine fields blanketed with heavy snow, for they had never seen anything like it before.

God used this field of snow to remind me of His love for me, and his faithfulness. Now, I know what is underneath that snow! Underneath is a dirty field of stubble from last season's harvest. My heart is like that field. It produces a crop but alongside the wheat, there are also weeds. And the weeds come between me and God.

The Good News is that Jesus loves me, weeds and all! My heart can be made white as snow when I choose not to hide my weeds, but instead to present them to the Lord in confession. I cling to God's promise in 1 John 1:8-9:

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Christmas Morning!

2008-12-25T08:28:00.001-08:00

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

1 John 4:9-10 (NIV)

Choose to Pluck the Flowers

2008-12-25T08:08:00.000-08:00

I finished reading Peony.

"The old deep sadness of life lay in the bottom of her heart and she knew it was there, but she would not allow herself to sink into it. Out of the dark and sullen bottom of a lake the lotus flowers bloomed upon its surface, and she would pluck the flowers."

This quote stands out in my mind because it reminds me that I have a choice to face the hardships of life by wallowing in misery, or looking to see the "flowers" that God has sown out of my trials.

I am going to keep on trying to pluck the flowers and leave the rest of it at the bottom of my heart for the Lord to sort out.

Merry Christmas from the New House

2008-12-20T10:46:00.001-08:00

I've held off publishing my blog. Who has time for this? No more waiting. What better season than Christmas to start something new? Christmas is my favorite time of year. It is the time when Christians around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Faced with human selfishness, God offered not judgment, but grace. Christmas is a celebration of God’s grace toward man through the sacrificial love gift of His Son Jesus.

My favorite song this Christmas is Love Came Down from Jars of Clay —Christmas Songs (2007).

Love Came Down at Christmas,

Love all lovely, love divine;

Love was born at Christmas,

Star and angels gave the sign.

Love will be our token,

Love be yours and love be mine,

Love from God to all of us,

Love for plea and gift and sign.

Love for the 10 commandments

Love for the 9 that dress so fine

Love for the 8 that stood at the gate

Love for the 7 who went up to Heaven

Love for the 6 that never got fixed

Love for the 5 that stayed alive

Love for the 4 that stood at the door

Love for the Hebrew children

Love from the little babe, baby